Golana Melon

Last week while I was at the grocery store I happened upon a pile of prickly little orange fruits and thought to myself, "Hmm. That looks like some kind of Star Trek fruit." So I (not being one to turn down whatever crazy fruit my grocer puts in front of me) grabbed one (carefully) and put it in the cart.

Later on, I looked up the fruit and found that it was a kiwano or African horned melon or Cucumus metuliferus and that the one I had sitting on my counter was indeed ripe and should be ready to eat. Since it was a melon I put it in the fridge and decided to eat it when I was hot and it was cold. The next morning, I went for a run. Let me just take an aside here and tell you that I suck at running. This really gets my goat because both of my parents were runners. My mom ran hurdles in high school, my dad was a champion cross country runner in college. I have always run like a baby giraffe whose probably just eaten something horrid. But, whatever, every now and then I decide to try and be a runner. And now is one of those times, baby giraffe or not.

So anyway, I went for my terrible run and when I got back I was plenty hot (and also panting and gasping and clutching at the counter so's not to faint) and the melon was plenty cold and I'd read up on how to hack into one of them online and thus:

We both tried it and Scott was not a fan but I was. Actually, I ended up eating my half and his. The kiwano melon tastes sort of like a cucumber mixed with a lime and the consistency is basically white watermelon seeds in a multitude of gelatinous sacks. The result is a fruit that is assuredly SciFi. 

As I was chowing down I sent a couple picture texts to my mom and said, "Look at this Star Trek fruit!" And then I remembered that in all my googling I'd neglected to see whether the fruit was actually featured on Star Trek so then I finally tracked it down and... yes: 

Remember when Molly fell through a hole in time and when she came back out she was a feral teenager and Miles was like, "Hey remember this delicious fruit you used to eat?!" Well, that's what this is--an African Horned Melon AKA the Golana Melon. Though, it looks like some poor prop guy had to cut all the spines off so (and this is wild conjecture) the actor types wouldn't hurt their widdle fingers. It's much more metal with the spines still on, obviously. But I don't want to be the guy who gets a call from Mr. Meaney's agent wondering why his client had to handle spiny, gelatinous fruit all day. 

Anyway, this weird fruit was totally worth the price of admission (about three dollars) for this Star Trek fan and if you're into sweet/tart gooey food that fights back harder than a targ with a head cold then I'd urge you to head on down to your deep space station's cantina to pick up a couple for yourself. 

Ten Times Trek Tackled Tough Topics

Growing up on Star Trek, I've always felt an unflinching optimism about the humanist direction of our world culture. I was a child of the 90s. A poor kid, a transient kid, a kid with divorced parents, a kid who went to fifteen schools and experienced therein a variety of micro-cultures. I was a kid from the Mountain South, a kid with strict, Southern Baptist grandparents but liberal-minded, artist parents who had all sorts of friends. I was a kid who stood in line for food stamps, a kid who lived, for a time, in a shelter and, for another time, in a fancy suburb. I was a kid who watched as factories and jobs and coal mines and mountain tops and any sense of pride went out of small town after small town in Appalachia. I was a kid who watched an Oxy epidemic and a low employment rate contribute to the already low life expectancy of those around her. I was a kid who once went hiking in the hills of North Carolina and watched as her mother burned to ash a racist symbol she'd found littering the overlook. I was a kid who grew up with family and friends of various colors, creeds, and sexual orientations. I remember being that kid, looking around at my own world and at the world on Star Trek, and thinking, "We've got a long way to go but at least we're on the right track."

I remember thinking that something like the future portrayed in Trek was where we were headed. And I still believe that.

When November rolled by and things shook out the way they did, I was disappointed by many things but, because of my varied background, unsurprised. I hoped it wouldn't be as bad as I worried it might be but, as January unfolded, I watched as the highest office in the land was filled by a man who seemed incapable of taking us anywhere but backward. I watched as cabinet positions were taken by confirmed bigots and misogynists and billionaires who'd bought and paid for a seat at a table where they might only wreak havoc on the poorest and most desperate families of this country and others. I watched as people on both sides on an invisible line shouted into their echo chambers and posted articles they hoped would garner favor from their like-minded friends. I watched and I retreated into my own world because confrontation and public discource is not something that comes naturally to me. And in my retreat, I continued to do as I have always done. I watched Star Trek. And, one afternoon, at the sound of a single line, about human compassion, I began to cry.

Star Trek has had a long, long history of turning its eye on the current cultural climate, of tackling the issues which tug at the ugliest, fuzziest, darkest parts of our world and brings them into sharp, technicolor focus. These episodes are a cornerstone of Trek and of Science Fiction in general. They allow us to see our own problems through the eyes of others (sometimes subtly, other times less so) and, hopefully, in looking through those other eyes, we can find some empathy or, at least, some empathy can find us. Star Trek says the things I have difficulty saying. It says these things with grace, compassion, and a hope that I will continue to turn to. I figured I might as well make a list for reference so, here it is:

1- A Taste of Armageddon, The Original Series
Two societies are content to let a computer deal out death so their physical culture is preserved. Kirk is having none of it. This is one of my favorites from TOS.

2- Let That Be Your Last Battlefield, The Original Series
Two races from one planet hate each other for superficial reasons the Enterprise crew can't even percieve. This one is easy (or maybe not) to scoff at these days but, in its time, it was a necessary and poignant episode.

3- The Drumhead, Next Generation
A confessed spy, a terrorist plot and a devious witchhunt are the set pieces of this quiet, courtroom episode and Picard is its beating heart.

4- Darmok, Next Generation
(Full Disclosure: This is my favorite episode of Star Trek. I will put it on every list I ever make. However, it absolutely deserves a spot here.) The Enterprise encounters a race of aliens whose language they cannot even begin to understand. Captain Picard is spirited away to a dangerous planet where he and the alien captain must overcome their differences and learn to work together.

5- The Outcast, Next Generation
Riker befriends a member of an androgynous race who considers an individual that identifies strongly as either male or female to be criminally deviant and perverted. Featured here is one of the best speeches in Trek.

6- Duet, DS9
Set against the still tense Bajoran/Cardassian conflict, Kira discovers an infamous, Cardassian war criminal aboard DS9. Things are not what they seem.

7- Far Beyond The Stars, DS9
This one features the crew in old timey duds and no alien makeup or prosthesis. It also features a stark look at the life of minorities in 1950s America as Sisko finds himself in the story of a black Science Fiction author trying to sell his vision of an egalitarian future to a world that's almost but not quite ready.

8- Distant Origin, Voyager
The Voyager gang becomes embroiled in one species' debate over evolutionary science.  This is an often forgotten but very strong outing. I'd also add that I think it's the best Chakota-sode but that would sound like I'm damning it with faint praise.

9- Remember, Voyager
The full title of this one should be, "Remember: Hard to Watch" and that's really the whole point. Basically, Voyager comes upon a somewhat serene society only to find an ugly and evil truth in their recent past. It's a truth most everyone would like to forget. Except they shouldn't.

10- Terra Prime, Enterprise
Alternate title: "Make Earth for Earthers Again!' This one pits Archer and crew against a xenophobic, isolationist leader (in the fabulous Peter Weller) who'd like to build a wall around the world make sure Earth is safe from any further seeking out of new life and new civilizations and/or boldly going.

Of course there are plenty more. When I mentioned to my husband that I was going to make a list of socio-political Star Trek allegories he said, "How long is that list going to be?" And I decided to limit it to ten. But there are plenty more.

Here are a few, in brief:
-TOS: Devil in the Dark (A lesson in tolerance and the dangers of hasty assumptions)
-TOS: Plato's Step-Children (First inter-racial kiss on US TV)
-TOS: A Private Little War (Overtones of the Vietnam War)
-TNG: Measure of a Man (What does it take to be considered human?)
-TNG: Journey's End (Native American rights in the 24th Century)
-TNG: Chain of Command (The horror and futility of torture)
-DS9: Homefront/Paradise Lost (Starfleet goes Patriot Act in fear of shapeshifter terrorists)
-DS9: Second Skin (Problems of identity, point of view, indoctrination)
-DS9: In The Pale Moonlight (Personal Values >/= Ultimate Goals?)
-VOY: Author, Author (Another exploration of humanity and human rights)
-VOY: Prototype (B'Elanna finds herself repairing instrument of endless war)
-VOY: Faces (B'Elanna confronts both parts of her bi-racial identity)
-ENT: Cogenitor (Rights of individual)
-ENT: Dear Doctor (Doctor and Captain grapple with the question of non-interference)
-ENT: Home (Issues of xenophobia in the wake of terrorism)

Welp. I'd meant for this to be a super short, list-form post. It became something... else. But if you're sitting around in your house thinking to yourself, "Gee. I wonder if there's any Star Trek out there that might resonate with whatever complicated feeelings I'm currently feeling regarding the current socio-political climate." The short answer is, "Yes." The long answer is, "Yes."

What Are Little Girls Made Of? Exploring The Star Trek Bechdel Test #1

Alright so, just in case you're new to this series. I'm looking at the results of Trekkie Feminist's Star Trek Bechdel test and attempting to explore what it is that sets Voyager apart from the other series. This is the first post in that exploration.

I've been planning on writing a post about the terrible boyfriends of Trek for some time. After an entire year of Star Trek, I was a little overwhelmed and, for a while didn't have it in me to get to this post, but the idea kept popping into my head. Why is it that so many of the female-centric episodes of every Trek (except Voyager) involve a terrible boyfriend, potential boyfriend, or ex putting them in danger?

It's a problem that's been going on as far back as The Original Series. Aside from Kirk being everyone's ultimate bad boyfriend, we get an actual Bad Boyfriend episode and it's called: "What Are Little Girls Made Of?" In this one, Christine Chapel suddenly hears from her long-lost fiancé and goes down to the planet he's inhabiting along with Kirk.  Lots of naked crazyness ensues and Chapel realizes this dude is a total creep.

But does it pass the Bechdel Test? It would if Chapel/Andrea had talked about something besides dudes.

This episode sets a precedent that would be followed pretty extensively in TNG, then to a lesser extent in DS9, not so much in Voyager, and then brought back "Deanna Style" in ENT.

Now, that's not to say that dudes don't also get relationship episodes. In fact, on this very day, 48 years ago, McCoy realized he was dating a dangerous creep when she turned into a salt monster and tried to eat him. The issue here is that, when a guy in Starfleet gets a girlfriend, he isn't usually the one who's ultimately in peril. But, when a female officer dates a guy, he usually ends up being a cad and she's either put in danger of some kind or forced to act out of character.

So lets start with TNG and what I'm always going around the house ranting about as:

 Deanna's Terrible Boyfriends

1- Deanna's terrible secret fiance, Wyatt. Actually this guy isn't awful or dangerous. He's just some guy in a turtleneck who she was engaged to when she was a little girl. That's not weird. Nope.
2-Alien Entity. This also isn't that awful except that he KNOCKS HER UP without her permission. She ends up with a beautiful little boy who she loves and then has to give back to the universe. I mean, what even?
3- Devinoni Rai. This freaking guy. Am I right? Just a scumbag.

4- Jev, the telepath. Jev and Deanna basically flirt and then, when she leaves his company and goes to bed, he enters her mind without consent and, in her dream state, proceeds to force himself on her in the form of her actual on-again/off-again BF, Riker. She falls into a dangerous coma.

5- Aaron Conor. This guy isn't so bad. He's just dedicated to his perfect colony and doing his job and, in the end, he's as affected by this brief romance as Troi is. Troi clearly has a specific taste in boyfriends though, right?

6-Ves Alkar. Super creep. He basically hooks up with Troi and then starts sucking away her life force to power his own. Troi almost dies, again. She falls into a coma, again.

Alright and then there's Riker and Worf. (Just FYI: I really shipped Worf/Deanna back in the day but I thought Worf/Jadzia ultimately made a better pair.) She ends up with Riker and they finally get hitched and you'd think she'd be done with terrible boyfriends who physically/mentally/telepathically assault her. But, no. There's Star Trek: Nemesis so...

7- Shinzon. Ok, this isn't a boyfriend. It's a legit attack by a dangerous, hostile stranger and it's absolutely horrifying. The fact that Shinzon (as Ves Alkar did during the series) appears to her first as Riker, makes it even more disturbing. This is everything that's wrong with the Troi=Victim problem in Star Trek.

It's worth noting that Beverly also had a couple of ill-fated flings. She dated her grandma's creepy life-suck boyfriend. She got way into Riker when he took a Trill symbiont but then couldn't hang when a woman took the same symbiont. Ultimately, though, she was always into Picard above all others. And, let's face it, he's a pretty good catch.

Moving on.

In DS9, Jadzia Dax almost makes a couple of questionable, life-altering decisions because she goes all doe-eyed over a one-episode boyfriend/girlfriend. This happens in Meridian and Rejoined. In spite of the way this gets on my nerves, I still feel that Rejoined was a pretty progressive episode.

Kira has a one-episode fling with Thomas Riker wherein he hijacks the Defiant and then gets captured by Cardassians. She has a weird almost-flirtation/almost-combative relationship with Gul Dukat but she always stands her ground. Otherwise, her most icky relationship is with Vedek Bareil. Though, I have to admit, I think it's just me that's creeped out by this guy. Unless it's not. Is anyone else creeped out by him?

Also in DS9, they turn this trope around in the episode, "The Muse," wherein Jake gets all messed up by his creative-energy-sucking girlfriend.

 Onto Voyager:

Alright, Janeway is basically married to the ship and, thus, doesn't have much chance for human-style romance. She gives it a brief shot with Chakotay in "Resolutions" who, honestly, probably would've been an amazing abandoned planet husband. That guy made her a bathtub. She has a flirtation with Prince Humperdink of the Delta quadrant but, after a battle of wits, its Janeway who has the upper hand.

She also makes herself a holodeck boyfriend and, again, it's Janeway who holds all the power. She even feels guilty for altering him to better fit her own personality. Oh, and she also gets it on with Tom Paris when they're both Salamanders but I'm not sure that counts because, you know, reasons.

B'Elanna is pretty much in it to win it with Tom Paris the entire series. Though they have their ups and downs, their relationship is basically steady and they provide one another with a realistic, safe, deeply felt love.

Kes shows up with Neelix but she sort of calls it off between seasons. This isn't a bad thing. As much as I love Neelix, he was a Bad Boyfriend. He was jealous, over-bearing, over-protective, and patronizing toward Kes. Once they broke up, they both became better characters.
Later, she has a one-episode flirtation with a guy named Zahir but he actually turns out to be a decent guy--instead her BFF, The Doctor, tries to kill her. Does this count as a Bad Boyfriend episode? I'm not sure. I'm leaning toward yes.

Seven of Nine. Ok, so Seven of Nine has a couple of romantic interests during the show, including one which took place solely in Unimatrix Zero. Harry Kim and The Doctor both had feelings for her but the feelings weren't mutual and the friendships didn't turn into romance in either case. At one point, The Doctor inhabits her body and does some flirting but this doesn't go anywhere. In the end, she somehow ends up with Chakotay, which, I mean, if you love hand-built bathtubs, it seems like you're doing pretty well.

And, finally, Enterprise:
I'll be honest with you, I've been up since five o'clock this morning and I've already been working on this post for two hours somehow and I'm getting really exhausted. I mean, seriously, I just forgot how to go "back" on Firefox so I'll try to keep the rest of this short : 

Aside from T'Pol's main squeeze, Tucker, she has a brief encounter with a radical Vulcan. I'm not sure whether this counts as a boyfriend but it's definitely an "encounter" and this guy ends up violating her and leaving her with an (apparently) incurable (and tabooed) disease.

Hoshi has a whole Beauty & The Beast thing with this creep in a castle. Is there another one?

Anyway, both of these episodes feel like they could've just been re-written with Deanna Troi's name all over them following this simple pattern:

 Here is an intelligent, capable officer of Starfleet who just happens to be female. She hooks up with a guy or flirts with a guy or just happens to be in the same quadrant of space with a guy and he ends up endangering her in some way and her plight becomes the focus of the episode. The plot revolves around this woman being a victim.

Aside from the whole Kes/Neelix weird relationship, which they got rid of pretty quickly, Voyager didn't seem to have these episodes. (And please correct me if you think of one or more Bad Boyfriend episodes) There were stories wherein B'Elanna, Seven, or Janeway were in danger but it wasn't typically because of a bad, one-episode relationship. And, moreover, most of the plots of Voyager's female-character-driven episodes weren't based on the old "woman in peril" device. It's like the difference in a knight and a damsel. The knight rides knowingly into danger to achieve some greater goal. The damsel screams her beautiful lungs out until someone rescues her.

In Voyager, the women are knights. Deanna Troi is a damsel in distress and usually her peril is at the hands of a man and, often, at the hands of a man she is romantically involved with.

Unfortunately, at least until Deanna Troi takes the Bridge Officer Test and gets a new suit of clothes, most of the Deanna-sodes were about her being a victim. Not about her figuring something out. Not about her solving the problem or working alongside her crewmembers to save someone else. They featured her in tears, in danger, or in a coma. And that's a pity. Eventually, they endowed her with more ability and responsibility but go back to that old, awful stand-by of the mind-rape in Star Trek: Nemesis.

So, I'm not entirely sure why they went in such a different direction with the female-led episodes in Voyager. Was it that having a female captain lead to different story lines? Was it part of the zeitgeist? Was it just a steady progression from TNG to DS9 to Voyager wherein everyone involved grew steadily more conscious of the role of women in their show? Were people asking the question, "What are little girls made of?" and getting new answers?

I'm not sure. I'll keep thinking about it.

But not right now. Right now I'm going to get some sleep.

One Year Ago: Starting Voyager

A Captain, An Engineer, and An Astrometrics Specialist Walk Into A Bar

The Mary Sue (who I've written a few things for) recently published an article by Jarrah Hodge and, basically, I ended up with a new (imagined) BFF. This chick (with some help) put every live action episode of Trek to the Bechdel Test (#1- Two named female characters. #2- They talk. #3-They talk about something other than men.) and reported her findings. Were they super surprising?

From: The Mary Sue

Not really. Though, Enterprise really let me down. I love that show and, while I feel that Hoshi and T'Pol both had strong character arcs, it's still disappointing that the ship's Science Officer and Communications Officer had so few (man-less) conversations. My main issue with Enterprise has always been in their missed opportunity to showcase an LGBT character (and you're welcome to read all about that in my love letter to the best Trek romance that never was: Reed and Hayes) but this is also troublesome.

The series that fared better than any other was Voyager. I considered putting a little "of course" in that sentence but, in thinking about this test as applied to Trek, that seems a little counter productive. I've read a lot of fans talking about these results and that seems to be the general attitude. "Of course Voyager passed, it was female centric/heavy/focused/dominated." But... it's not. Not really.

Here's what I did. After reading these results, I queued up Voyager SSN 5. The fifth season of a show is often my favorite--or at least often features a lot of my favorite episodes. It seems to be that time in a show's life when the characters are firmly set, the actors are very comfortable with their roles, and the writers have to dig deep to come up with fresh and interesting story lines. I feel like the fifth season of all these Middle Star Treks (aka- The Unitard Era) is when the show really comes alive so it seems like a good place to give it a test. Ok so, I watched the first three episodes of Season Five of Voyager. And here's what I found:

#1- They all pass the Bechdel Test. Easily.
#2- Each of their stories are driven primarily by a female character (Night: Janeway, Drone: Seven, Extreme Risk: B'Elana) This is a bit of a coincidence. The next episode in the line-up is a Chakota-sode. Still, I think it's a point worth mentioning--especially since the season premier focuses heavily on a female character.
#3- There are three women in this show.

Three women. How does that make the cast female heavy? Here's a little snapshot to better illustrate my point:

I'll be honest, I picked this look because I'm way into Janeway's sassy bob.

So here are nine people. TNG, DS9, and Voyager all had nine-member casts. It's apparently something everyone in development thought was super important from about 1987-1995.

It's good to see Sears Portrait Studio of the 23rd century is still upholding this kind of quality.

I don't know, I couldn't think of a joke for this one.

Alright, in TNG you have two regular, female cast members and with an optional third in Tasha/Guinan. DS9 is about the same because you get a rotating cast of female regulars in Kai Wyn, Keiko, Leeta, Kasidy and Ziyal. Anyway, you don't have to have a fancy Starfleet degree in mathematics to figure out that 2-3 out of 9 isn't a majority. It's not even half.

You could say, "Well, the Voyager women are more important in terms of ship's operations." Well, that's true in the case of the Captain, I suppose, and maybe that's the key. Because I don't think that Kira or Dax are less important than Torres or Seven. And the ship's engineer and astrometrics specialist are no more essential than the ship's doctor and counselor (though I would make an argument about Troi's character before/after her Starfleet Uniform) so why is it that Voyager is so far ahead of the other series in terms set forth by the Bechdel Test?

So here are a few thoughts:

#1- Is it the female captain that makes all the difference?

#2- Is it the actors?

#3- Is it a more specific treatment of the show's female characters in an episode-by-episode and long-term character arc breakdown?

#4- Is it that Voyager was just the most recent after two prior re-envisioning of Star Trek and the writers knew they needed to do something different but then fell off the wagon when it came to Enterprise?

#5- Did Voyager come along at a time when it could be influenced by other pop-culture? Something about the zeitgeist?

I have a few theories but I'm going to explore them in blog posts to come because this is an issue that really interests me. Star Trek is a show that has (obviously) been a huge part of my life and I like thinking about why and how it affects me, and what lessons I can take from it as a human, a woman, and as a writer.

So, because I'd like to talk about each of these ideas and don't want to make your eyeballs bleed by putting it all right here, I plan on, over the next few days, writing about my further explorations in the Trek Bechdel Test. I'm going to watch a few more episodes (probably the same SSN/Eps from DS9 and TNG and some later eps from TOS and ENT) and I'll get back to you. Especially about #3, which is something I've been wanting to write about for a while. Would you like a hint about its subject? Here's my gift to you. I feel like a benevolent parent letting their child shake their Christmas presents.

It's not a train set. Sorry.

A Note About The Bechdel Test: I fully realize the Bechdel test isn't a perfect measure of a show's ability to represent strong, female characters but it is telling. And it does present us with a way to observe and analyze the shows/movies we love in a quantifiable way--which can then lead to a dialogue about the treatment of female characters.


A Year Ago Today: Deep Space Nine: The Last Romp

When Your Klingonness Is Just Too Much

I've mentioned here before that if I belonged to any Star Trek species, I'd be half-Klingon, half-Vulcan. This has nothing to do with my parents' actual species (Betazoid/B'joran) but more just how I turned out.

Part of my Klingon-ness comes from how stubborn I am, how I tend to get frustrated easily, and how I tend to like to spend kind of a lot of time in the gym. I like lifting heavy weight and I like getting stronger and I like being a woman who can push around heavy weight.

The Vulcan part of me uses the gym as a sort of meditation. When I bench, all I'm thinking about is the weight. Everything else goes still and quiet. It's the only time in my day that that happens. It's like shoving earplugs in my brain and I love it.

Anyway, as in the rest of my life, I tend to inadvertently stick out at the gym. I'm pale in Southern California. I don't wear trendy, neon tops. I can't begin to get my shoulder-length hair into one of those sexy top knot things. I don't even kind of glisten. I drip buckets of gross, Klingon-smelling sweat all over the place--which I then wipe up because I'm not a damn heathen. I don't have earbuds or whatever in my ears and I turn REALLY red when I'm exerting myself. (see the note about paleness above.) I also have vasovagal syncope which makes me pass out and then I need some kind of sugar so I carry around these individually packaged prunes which... I mean, honestly, how opposite-of-cool are prunes? What am I, ninety? (I wish! Then I'd have a million cats!)

Whatever, I lift like a Klingon but I don't have the Klingon redundancies in my body so sometimes I suffer little injuries that nag me for a few days. But, about two weeks ago, I did something to my biceps tendon and it hasn't been right since. At first I tried to just work through it. But, that ended up exacerbating the problem.

Now, I'm relegated to leg work. I've done so many squats lately. You don't even know. The thing is, I can't do heavy leg stuff every single day. That means time in the cardio room. Cardio? Uggh. I run sprints and intervals but anything more than twenty minutes and I just want to go eat ice cream and watch TV. But the last 10 days? I've had to make friends with the stationary bike, treadmill, and elliptical. If I know I'm doing more than half an hour, I take my kindle and read.

Anyway, right now I have my shoulder/bicep wrapped. If it's not iced, it burns. When I wake up it hurts. When I lay down it hurts. I can't open jars or twist my own water bottle shut because my grip can't take any torque. This. Is. Ridiculous.

My Vulcan-self has had time (on a stationary bike) to reflect and I'm pretty sure I got into this position pushing myself too hard. ie- Being a little too Klingon in the gym. This reminds me a lot of Worf/B'elanna so here are a few times where their Klingonness was just too much:

1- When Worf gets super hurt:
TNG: Ethics
Worf is Worfing around and a big barrel falls on him and breaks his back. Dude is all messed up and Crusher is the model of compassion but compassion isn't exactly what Worf is all about. He's more about getting back to Worfing around as much as possible. So, another Doc steps in with some questionable ethics and presents an interesting but dangerous new treatment option.

2- When Worf has a fancy party:
TNG: The Icarus Factor
Worf is being all moody (aka- Worfing Around in 2nd Gear) because it's time for him to celebrate the Rite of Ascension and there aren't any other Klingons around to help him out. Thankfully, Wesley gets a plan together A-Team style and they round up some pain sticks for his special day.

3- When Worf goes on vacation:
DS9: Let He Who Is Without Sin
Worf's girlfriend gets him to FINALLY take a vacation and he is 100% miserable the entire time. When Jadzia finally confronts him about how he isn't at all like all the other, fun-loving Klingons she knows, we get one of the best Worf scenes in all of Star Trek. It's quiet. It's understated. And it's really, really Klingon.

4- When B'Elanna is way too into living dangerously:
VOY: Extreme Risk
B'Elanna starts Worfing around and runs all kinds of super hardcore holodeck programs with the safety off and nearly gets herself killed a bunch of times. When Chakotay confronts her, it comes out that B'Elanna is attempting to deal with her depression about the massacre of her Maquis friends by basically Klingon-ing the days away.

5- When B'Elanna takes a Klingon cruise to Klingon Hell:
VOY: Barge of the Dead
When B'Elanna dies in a shuttle accident, she makes a quick trip to the Klingon afterlife but finds that she's headed for dishonor--and so is her mom. She negotiates with her Ship-Mom to be put back into the same, death-like state she had been in when she fell onto the deck of a Klingon boat. Janeway surprisingly lets her go through this mess and she spends the rest of the episode with a bunch of other Klingons talking about the finer points of honor.

BONUS- When a bunch of tribbles hated Arn Darvin:
TOS: The Trouble With Tribbles
You guys know this one right? Sure, you do. Well, here goes anyway. The Enterprise answers a distress call and they're pretty pissed to learn that they (a super nice starship) were only invited over to guard some dang wheat. Anyway, some Klingons also show up. Hijinks ensue. Tribbles abound. And a bar fight breaks out. Lots of fun.

Ok, even typing hurts my arm so you can imagine how terrible I feel after such an over-long blog post. I'm going to take some Aleve and try to be more Vulcan for the remainder of the night.

Star Trek Mix Tape: Momisodes

I was born when my mom was pretty young. Ten years and a whole lot of ridiculousness passed and my mom had another kid--my little sister. Another ten years and even more ridiculousness passed and my mom had another kid--my baby brother. These two kids account for half of my siblings (my dad also got into some ridiculousness as well and produced my little twin sisters) and three decades of my mom's life. Every time one of us started growing out of childhood, my mom made another kid which means that for thirty years she has been Santa. She has been the Easter Bunny. She's been the homework helper, the shoulder to cry on, the taxi service to play rehearsal or academic team or little league.

And you know what?  For thirty years, she's been amazing at that stuff. She loves it. This year my little brother is finally growing out of his childhood and into tween-ness and for the first time in thirty years my mom won't be Santa or the Easter Bunny. But she'll still be there for all three of us in all of the unique ways that we need her to be.

For my crazy mom, and your crazy mom and you (if you're a crazy mom) I made the following Star Trek Mix Tape:

1-TOS: Journey to Babel
This is one of my all time favorite TOS episodes. Amanda Greyson and Sarek--Spock's parents--show up on the Enterprise and cause all kinds of under-the-surface-emotional-trauma for Spock. Amanda is such an interesting character all by herself. She's a human, married to a Vulcan ambassador and has taken up the Vulcan ways even though it's clear Vulcan's have a somewhat disdainful (read: xenophobic) attitude toward humans. She's not only married into this completely non-emotional culture but produced a son who also follows the Vulcan path and her handling of these stoic men is really nicely done.

2-TOS:  Devil In The Dark
This is one of the first episodes of TOS I remember watching as a kid. It totally blew my little kid mind and, when it first aired, The Horta became an instant part of classic Trek.

3- TNG: Remember Me
Beverly is totally ship mom on Picard's Enterprise. She mothers practically everyone but especially her actual kid, Wesley. In "Remember Me" she realizes the Enterprise crew is slowly vanishing but no one can even remember them existing. Its an effectively creepy, quiet episode which grows more claustrophobic and strange as the story moves along. Finally, Beverly realizes the key to her survival is her connection to her son.

4-TNG: Family
I'm not sure exactly when we learn that Worf was raised by human parents. Seems like it's pretty early on. But it's not until after the Borg attack in Season Three that we get to see them and Helena Rozhenko is a force to be reckoned with. It couldn't have been easy raising a Klingon child in a human culture and Helena talks about the struggles that a lot of adoptive parents face.

5- TNG: Interface
Here, Geordi gets word that his mom's ship has gone missing. Right around this time, he's also checking out the possibilities/limitations of a virtual reality probe and hears his mother's voice calling to him from a wrecked ship within a gas giant. Convinced that his mother is still alive, he takes the probe's interface system into dangerous territory to find and save her. This one deals as much with the loss and letting go of one's mom as anything else and, for that reason, it's bitter sweet. It's also perfectly played by LeVar Burton.

6- DS9: Take Me Out To The Holosuite/For The Cause
I loved Kasidy Yates and her relationship with Jake was great. She's an excellent example of a step-mom-gone-right. But, like a lot of DS9, her character development was a slow progression. It's hard to point to a single episode that showcases their relationship. So, instead, I picked two that exemplify Kasidy's greatness as a character and a woman. "For The Cause" shows Kasidy standing up for her ethics even when it means losing the people she loved. "Take Me Out To The Holosuite" shows her taking on the Vulcans in a game of baseball right along with Jake and Ben.

7- DS9: Wrongs Darker Than Death Or Night
I'm not gonna lie, this is not a fun episode to watch. That being said, this is a mighty good one. On the anniversary of Kira's mom's birthday, Gul Dukat spills the beans to her about her mom's true fate in the Bajoran Occupation. When she doesn't believe him, she uses a Bajoran orb to find the truth and the truth isn't pretty. Still, what Kira's mother did for her family is incredible and her sacrifice is exemplary of the power of a mother's love for her children.

8- Voyager: Basically All Of It
Janeway is a super mom. She moms everyone around her all day and all night and all day. She moms the hell out of this show for seven years and I love every bit of it. Of course, she's especially mom-ish to Kes and Seven. Her goodbye to Kes in "The Gift" is absolutely beautiful and her relationship with Seven is wonderfully showcased in "Think Tank" "Year Of Hell" and "Hope And Fear."

9- ENT: Home/Awakening
T'Pol's mom has a pretty rough exterior but she truly cares for her daughter and these episodes show us a mother with both a clear understanding of her own ethics and a deep love for her daughter. Again, Vulcan's aren't great at having/showing their feelings so any time you get into these complex "non-emotions" you're getting what Trek does best.

BONUS: All of Lwaxana in all of TNG. 

Eavesdropping and How Future Humans Are Too Good For It

So I thought it had only been about a week since I posted but apparently it's actually been much longer. Where did the time go?

I'll tell you.

You know how I do this Shakespeare thing every year? Well, this year has been more hectic than ever and when I contacted the people who usually host our camp I found that between budget problems and scheduling issues, they wouldn't be able to give us use of their space. I scrambled. I spent about a solid week trying to strike a deal with local spaces that might be appropriate for us. Finally, with help from a parent, we had a space. Then I realized that production just about a month away.

Planning a week-long Shakespeare event from three-thousand miles away isn't even a little bit easy. But, throwing in a new format (did I mention we're completely changing our format) and a completely new rehearsal and production space that we've literally never seen in person, it all seems like a completely ridiculous thing to do. Still, I spent the last week ironing out the details, going over our cut of the script, and creating materials for auditions.

Anyway, Much Ado About Nothing is pretty much about love, honor, and marriage. But, as I went through the script again and again I realized that it's really about people achieving their goals through eavesdropping. Literally in the eaves. "I will hide me in the arbor," is a real line. Every other scene features one of the primary characters overhearing conversations which propel the plot into further realms of ludicrous misunderstandings and intentional deception.

Reading it, I thought it would be a cool idea for me to write a post about all the times characters in Star Trek eavesdropped on conversations. You'd think that in 726 episodes and 12 feature films and a very recent viewing of every single one of them, I'd be able to come up with many, many examples.Unfortunately I could only think of two. And one was just an attempted eavesdropping.

Of course the TNG characters are far too noble and sophisticated to do crap like this but at least a couple of DS9's intentionally more cynical (for Trek) characters see no problem with listening in.

1- Garak/Bashir in "Past Prologue"
In this one Kira's loyalties come into question just as the freaking Duras sisters show up. Garak summons Bashir to his shop and then pushes him behind a curtain so the doctor can conveniently overhear the sisters' plans.

2- Quark in "Crossfire"
When Shakaar comes aboard DS9 Quark is antsy to get information about what he's up to and plants an eavesdropping device in a bowl of fruit. Of course, Odo finds it and thwarts his plans.

There are, of course, lots of times when characters dress up as natives to learn about their culture but it's not straight-up eavesdropping in... or maybe it is.

Anyway, back to the grind. Now that the script is cut and the ad materials have been sent out, I'm back to promoting the book (guest blogs, interviews, and giveaways are coming up soon!) while working on the new one and making Shakespeare preparations.


Basically A Year Ago: A Tribute To Troi

Valentines

I've never been into the Hallmark Holidays. I don't like buying cards. I don't like watching flowers die. I don't like going out to dinner around a lot of other people. But one year, completely by accident, Scott and I celebrated Valentine's Day. It was mid-February around six or seven years ago and we found ourselves at an Indian buffet the day after Valentine's. The only people there were a couple who looked like they'd gone to bed but maybe not to sleep and, thus, Valentine's was still in effect for them. As we ate our chicken tikka and palak paneer in peace, we realized that this was the best time to celebrate the romance between two complete hermits. No one is out. Candy and potted plants are half-price. It's amazing.

So today is my Valentine's Day post. I figured, after a year of following every single Star Trek relationship, I'd write about the best ones.

1- Christine Chapel and Spock:
This one is completely unrequited and, thus, pretty depressing. Still, it's the only ongoing almot-love-affair in The Original Series. Kirk's trysts nearly always lead to <ahem> death. They don't count. I'm tempted to count the Kirk/Spock pseudo-love affair that people have been putting in fan-fiction since the 60's but Kirk has a different true love and I'll get to that later.

2- Troi and Worf:
Yes, Deanna and Riker were imzadis but I always loved the too-little-too-late Troi/Worf relationship. These two were just sexy together.

3- Rom and Leeta:
Yeah, I know I should probably put Jadzia and Worf together and I really did love those two as a couple but the way Jadzia died and the fact that Worf never really got to avenge her in a satisfying way always put a bitter taste in my mouth about them. Rom and Leeta, on the other hand, were amazing. From the moment they got together I was cheering them on and I love that they didn't have some ridiculous tragic end. They were steadfast, true, and supportive.

4- Tom and B'Elanna:
In a franchise that always shied away from any kind of serialization, I love the way the Paris/B'Elanna relationship was allowed to evolve over time. These two complement each other perfectly.

5- Reed and Hayes:
I've already written about how these two could have had the best relationship in all of Trek so I won't go into all that again but I totally ship Reed/Hayes. Their almost-relationship had more depth than most Trek pairings and, if viewed from the point of view that they were a couple, their parting is legitimately heart breaking.

6- Every captain and their ship:
In spite of how much I may love Kirk/Edith Keeler, Picard/Guinan (yes, I prefer this to Picard/Beverly; there's just something about these two), Sisko/Kasidy, Janeway/that Devore inspector guy who always reminds me of Prince Humperdink, and Archer/Captain Hernandez, it's obvious that the real love of these captains' lives is their ship.

As Kirk tells McCoy when the doc asks his captain about a possible interest in Yeoman Rand, Kirk answers, "I've already got one female to worry about. Her name's the Enterprise."




A Year Ago Today: I started Next Gen

The Thing About Foreheads Is...

So, a long time ago, Klingons looked like this:

This is Kor--pretty much my favorite Klingon

Then, The Animated Series came along and the Klingons all started wearing lovely pink outfits but otherwise looked the same:

Then, The Motion Picture happened and all the freaking sudden, the bastards looked like this:

Incidentally, this Klingon is played by my BFF, Mark Lenard

They looked pretty much this way until you get to the lolli-pop-headed Worf in TNG. Luckily, as the seasons went on, he got a freaking gorgeous head of hair and basically solidified the way Klingons looked for the rest of Star Trek.

No matter what the hairstyle though, Klingons were the most conspicuous baddies in The Original Series but from the time Mark Lenard put a giant turtle on his head that was the universal Klingon look. Turtle head = Klingon.

For literally decades, it was something that the Star Trek franchise and fandom glossed over. We all knew the reason behind the change was budgetary as well as technology. The makeup became better and Star Trek got a little more money and, consequently, Klingons would forever look more menacing and less like some regular guys with bubble wrap belts slung over their shoulders.

And then Trials and Tribble-ations happened. The DS9 crew went back in time to the events in Trouble With Tribbles and Worf was asked about the completely flat foreheads of his TOS-era brethren. His answer, "A viral mutation... We do not discuss it with outsiders."

So, then came Enterprise. They said, "You know, we're about to get cancelled and we love tying together all kinds of stuff from the Treks that came before/later. Let's explain this whole Klingon Turtle Head thing."

And they do. It's yet another mini-arc (only two episodes) all about how the Klingons went from having turtle heads to not having turtle heads to getting their turtle heads back. Some people like the Enterprise explanation, some people hate it. I love it. I love Phlox' involvement in it. I love the way all these events play out and the Klingon connection to (what's probably Star Trek's best villain) Khan. I was always content with just sort of imagination retconning ridges onto the TOS-era Klingons. I never needed an additional explanation. However, now that I have one, I love it. And I'm glad I got to see my Enterprise friends do the explaining.

DS9: Season Seven Essentials

Well here it is, the final essentials episodes for DS9. This one's a little tricky but I don't think there's anyway around the way these are listed:

1- Image In The Sand
This is the season premier and you basically have to get this one in to deal with Jadzia's death and Worf/Bashir/Quark's healing process. It's a pretty great Klingon-themed episode too and you know how I love those.

2- Take Me Out To The Holosuite
The entire crew gear up and play some ball. Is there any way this wouldn't be included? It's entirely possible that this is actually my favorite DS9 episode.

3- It's Only A Paper Moon
Here's another one of my all-time favorites. Nog has long been in contention for my favorite character (along with Quark, Worf, and Dax) but the way this character deals with the tragic loss of his leg is beautiful and perfectly Star Trek.

4- Bada Bing Bada Bang
Sisko's Eleven! This is the one where everyone puts on their 60's duds and robs a casino to help out a holosuite character. Yes! Ok, I get that this is not part of the mytharc. I just super don't care. This episode kicks ass. And, trust me, you're gonna need a romp before you head into the #5 entry on this list.

5- Penumbra-What You Leave Behind
Yep. Here are nine episodes. Basically, I feel like if you've watched all the DS9 essentials up to this point, you can decide whether or not you want to see the epic multi-episode finale. Of course, if you want to finish your stint with the one where everyone robs a casino, that's ok too.

Runners Up:

Seriously? I just gave you an "Essentials" list with thirteen episodes on it. Do you really need more?

On Finishing DS9

Saying, "I'm going to finish DS9," is apparently a super dramatic statement. I made this proclamation (without realizing just how crazy the next three days would be) last week to my husband and he was basically like, "Yeah, ok." We headed into "Penumbre"which is the first in an eight-part mini-series which leads up to the very last, two-part episode of DS9. Just about half of the last season of DS9 is the finale. It's like a runaway train and no one (including the viewer) is ok with jumping off until it comes to a sort of meandering halt in "What You Leave Behind."

Given the epic nature of the end of this series, I've not relished the idea of discussing my experience watching it. It seems insurmountable. And that's just writing about it. I can only imagine the guys in the writers' room saying, "Well now, how do we give all of these extremely complex characters and plot threads a satisfying conclusion?"

Then somebody says, "Let's totally have Worf and Ezri get it on and then get kidnapped by the Breen!" Then somebody else says, "Oh, and how about Kira has to go help the Cardassian terrorists wage war against The Dominon!" That's quickly followed by, "And let's make Rom the Grand Nagus!" And, "Oh and Julian should TOTALLY talk to Miles about how super into each other they are." Along with, "Let's make Damar seriously and unquestionably kick ass!" And finally, "Let's fill all eight episode with ridiculously cool space battles! EXPLOSIONS RULE!"

Honestly, it's as if they had a list of plots and they went through the 8-episode stretch from "Penumbre" to "The Dogs Of War" neatly crossing them off. It's remarkably satisfying. So much so that Scott and I binge-watched those episodes in almost one viewing. We couldn't stop. Netflix kept asking, "Do you want to continue?" and we kept nodding--apparently powerless to resist DS9's swan song. Everything I mentioned in the previous paragraph is AWESOME. Just amazing. It's neat and original and beautiful. It's respectful to the characters we love so much. It's eight episodes of epic send-off that's totally appropriate to DS9.

Then, "What You Leave Behind" happened. I'd seen this finale before maybe one and a half times. I remembered the montages. I remembered Sisko pretty much going off to become a god and that's about it. Re-watching it this time, with so much build-up, after months and months of watching this show (as I was unpacking in our new apartment, from Vancouver, from my mother's house across the country, from the sofa as my mouth heeled) I needed something from this show that it didn't give me. I felt strangely unsatisfied with this series finale. Here's why:

I sort of don't buy the female Changeling giving herself up and Odo returning to the great link. I think there was something off, maybe rushed, about Kai Winn and Gul Dukat's finish. Lots and lots of montages that should have but just didn't work for me. No Jadzia--which I understand came out of a complicated financial situation. In the midst of all these salutes to BFFs, there's no Jake/Nog sendoff. The whole Alamo thing (which they talk about non-stop for the entire seventh season) doesn't really pay off. The whole prophecy about living a life of sorrow if Ben married Kasidy doesn't really pay off.

I can sort of forgive all that stuff though. But I can't get over one thing. My biggest problem with all of this is that it's Kasidy and not Jake who sees Sisko in the Celestial Temple. As much as I love Kasidy, I felt that Jake should've seen Sisko in the end. It feels wrong (especially after The Visitor) not to let a father say goodbye to his son. From the start of DS9--the very beginning of the pilot--this show has been as much about a father and son as anything else. We've seen Jake grow, always watched over by his dad, into a young adult. And then we watch him stare into space--hoping to see some glimmer of Benjamin. I get that this is often cited as one of the best episodes of DS9; I get that it's a fan favorite. It just didn't satisfy me. I sort of wish this episode had ended with the crew is standing in Vic's, celebrating the end of the Dominion War:

But, this blog is about liking things. It always has been. That doesn't mean I don't have problems with different parts of Star Trek. It just means that I try to focus my energy on the stuff I love. And here's the thing, before this year, I'd seen just about all of DS9 (there were a couple I missed over the years) and I'd felt pretty familiar with the characters and the show. But watching DS9 over this strange, surreal summer, it's become a part of my heart in a way that it never was before. I love these characters. I love these episodes. I will miss these people (especially the Ferengis) as I go on with my life. I'll return to these stories (especially the ones about Ferengis) time and again because, over the last few months, I've come to love DS9.

But, right now, I don't really have time to sit and reminisce. Janeway is calling me and I can't wait to board the USS Voyager.

5 Things I Never Expected From Following My Year of Star Trek

The following is a guest post from one of My Year Of Star Trek's wonderful readers: 

When I found this blog back in January, I was excited. I love Star Trek, I was intrigued by the blog’s premise, and I looked forward to casually following along. Sometime during those early weeks, though, following My Year of Star Trek stopped being so casual. I decided to watch Trek along with the blog. I knew it would be fun, but I didn’t expect it to have even a fraction of the impact it’s had…

1. To grow a deeper appreciation for Star Trek- The Original Series.  I was not yet born when TOS first aired, and I was a little girl when reruns would be on in our tiny basement apartment. But TOS was my sister’s Trek; Kirk was her captain; he was her father figure, when I was still too young to realize I needed one. Today, my sister and I are as close as sisters can be; back then, however- we didn’t get along at all. The mere fact that Trek was hers meant that it wasn’t mine. Sure, I’ve always had an appreciation and respect for it in the subsequent years, but there was always something that felt “other” to me. There were only three episodes I remember watching when I was little: The Devil in the Dark (it scared me), Miri (it made me sad and worried), and The Trouble with Tribbles (lots of fun). The blog has helped me finally be able to feel that sense of history and the groundbreaking nature of so much of TOS. Being able to watch episodes and read along with reviews and analysis has given me a new understanding and a deeper connection to the show. 

2. To revisit and reflect on an important part of my life with Star Trek: The Next Generation. ST:TNG was my series. I watched it religiously throughout the years it was on, as well as in reruns. I knew all the episode names, and read all the books. I knew the guest stars. What I didn’t have for many of those years, though, was someone to talk Trek with. The TNG years were largely solitary years for me, due to my work and living situation at the time. Being part of a fandom without any real life counterparts to share in it can be lonely- especially back in the pre-internet age. I went to conventions once or twice a year, which was great- but brief. I lived in the NYC area for much of that time, and the show would be on TV pretty often. I lived in an apartment w/a bad cable setup, so the picture was usually scrambled and snow-filled. I taped them anyway. Yup- VHS tapes, episode after episode of fuzzy pictures and garbled dialogue. In the later years, my grandmother started taping episodes for me, labeling them with her barely-legible handwriting. She lived about an hour away from me, and I’d get the tapes when I visited her once or twice a month. I recently found a few of those tapes, and a big smile came to my face when I saw that handwriting I hadn’t seen in decades. Some of these years were bad years for me, but there was always TNG to rely on. Watching the series again, in order, brought back a lot of memories. The show always had a way of leaving me filled with hope, even during darker times. I think of those VHS tapes often, as I touch the Netflix icon with the pad of my fingertip, and any moment of TNG can be at my disposal. Magic, indeed. Who would have imagined this possible back in the day of the scrambled VHS tape? (Oh- nevermind. The obvious answer to that question, of course, is Gene…)

3. To fall head over heels for Deep Space Nine. Oh, I can barely even put my feelings about DS9 onto the page right now.  I have absolutely fallen in love with this series- I think it's now officially my favorite Star Trek. The depth is fascinating, the characters are incredibly complex, and I have become completely attached to this world. So much so, that when I found myself on Season 7, episode 17- Penumbra- I had to stop. I'm not ready to hit this final stretch of episodes, not ready to say goodbye to these people yet. I jumped back to seasons 2 & 3, re-watching some of the earlier episodes that I had skimmed over. There’s no more putting it off, though- I should be finished in the next day or so- and I’m not looking forward to finishing. 

Shortly after DS9 originally debuted, I was traveling and moving around quite a bit, and I was in a general not-watching-much TV period. Since I had been a huge TNG fan, I did watch DS9 from time to time, and I liked it- but it was too hard to keep up with on an erratic watch schedule. I found it too "serious" and complicated most times when I did catch episodes here and there. Following along and watching with My Year of Star Trek has been the first time I've seen a lot of these episodes, and it's certainly the first time I've had a grasp of the bigger picture. I have come to love its complexity, and the depth in its characters. Every character is fully fleshed out, multifaceted, and inevitably flawed- in the realest of ways. I will miss them. I want to watch this series all over again. I can’t though…Voyager awaits.


4. To learn about honesty and openness in blogging. (I’ll keep this part short, because she probably won’t want me turning the spotlight on her.) AshleyRose has crafted one of the most interesting and insightful blogs I’ve come across in a long time. A big part of that is the honesty and openness with which she writes. She seamlessly blends review, social commentary, and personal reflection in a way that draws us in and keeps us there. At times humorous, at times poignant, and always with an authentic voice. We should all take notes. Plus, she shares her artistic gift. Have you seen me as a Banean/Vulcan?

5. To finally see past Enterprise’s theme song. OK, I’m cheating here- we're not there yet. And I’m partly kidding. But somehow, I just know that upon re-watching and following the blog, I’ll finally be able to look past my feelings on that song and give Enterprise another chance. I’m confident that if anything can help me get past it and give this series the attention it deserves, it’s My Year of Star Trek.

KJ Simpson is a science fiction fan who also loves plants, globes, and theme park history. 

She blogs about one of her other passions at www.PlustheMagic.com.