Friday, March 22, 2019


Whether you used to read this blog or you've just stumbled into it, I thought I'd make a post to explain what this is and was and who I am and what's going on with me.

I'm leaving this blog up because, for a few years, it was a huge part of my life. In 2013, I watched ALL of Star Trek and wrote about it here. Doing this strange, crazy thing helped me as a writer and as a fan and as a human. Deeply analyzing something you love is an eye-opening experience and, in the course of that year, I made a few wonderful new friends, reconnected with a few old ones, and even became closer with members of my own Star Trek-loving family.

Then, for the next few years, I continued to try to watch Trek and write about it but, gradually, I did so less and less. I felt like I'd already written about as much as I could regarding the series and, though I knew it was probably time to move on, I didn't want to give it up.

In 2015 I began having scary health problems and Star Trek helped me through it. Then, in 2016, I was diagnosed with Ehlers Danlos Syndrome and suffered months of agonizing, constant pain in my hands that no one could seem to fix or even begin to treat. I couldn't write at all. This blog had only been one of my projects. I also wrote stories, released a couple of novels, and made comics that got published in some really lovely journals. I had felt as though I was just beginning to understand who I was as a writer when I almost completely lost my ability to type.

At a loss, and desperate to make something, I began doing Star Trek-related videos. They were called Generic Ensign's Log and I loved doing them. They allowed me to combine my deep knowledge of the series with a little creativity and story telling and they were a blast to do. They were also really time consuming.

In the Spring of 2018, after over a year of physical therapy and working on other things that didn't involve a lot of typing, I sat down at my keyboard. I was terrified of it. Literally terrified. My heart thrummed and my palms sweated as panic spread through my body. In the past, my keyboard had been my lifeline. From the time I was thirteen (awkward and living with undiagnosed Asperger's and always moving around) my keyboard had been my predominant method for communication. I didn't make a lot of friends in real life. They were all on the internet. And, even when I did make friends in person, I hated talking on the phone. Texts, email, and Gchat were all I used. Typing was my whole life. It was how I worked, how I communicated, how I kept this project rolling and it had all been devoured in a storm of sickening pain. So, yeah, my keyboard terrified me.

But, on that day, I pushed past it. I was finally well enough to work again. I wrote a story. And then another. And then I decided to write a novel in stories. And then another novel on the side. I couldn't (and can't) write like I used to. I can't sit at my desk for hours on end, typing until my brain falls out, editing until the cows come home etc. I have to be more careful now. Have to be mindful of how my body handles the stress of writing.

And, with all of my energy focused on working when I can, keeping my body as well as I can, pursuing this thing I can't not pursue...I let this project go. After five years it just sort of happened.

I didn't want to admit it at first. I'd had lots of plans for Generic Ensign.

I loved My Year of Star Trek and I still do.

But, right now, it doesn't' fit into my life like it once did. And, I think that's ok. Maybe someday it will again. Maybe someday I'll finish all the stuff I wanted to do with Generic Ensign or maybe someday I'll have a bunch of new insights about this show I grew up with and love and wrote about for so long.

For now I'm just going to leave it here, in case someone finds and reads it and finds my own long journey with this show helpful or insightful or comforting. If that does happen, please let me know.

I'll still be around.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...