Wednesday, April 12, 2017

Golana Melon


Last week while I was at the grocery store I happened upon a pile of prickly little orange fruits and thought to myself, "Hmm. That looks like some kind of Star Trek fruit." So I (not being one to turn down whatever crazy fruit my grocer puts in front of me) grabbed one (carefully) and put it in the cart.

Later on, I looked up the fruit and found that it was a kiwano or African horned melon or Cucumus metuliferus and that the one I had sitting on my counter was indeed ripe and should be ready to eat. Since it was a melon I put it in the fridge and decided to eat it when I was hot and it was cold. The next morning, I went for a run. Let me just take an aside here and tell you that I suck at running. This really gets my goat because both of my parents were runners. My mom ran hurdles in high school, my dad was a champion cross country runner in college. I have always run like a baby giraffe whose probably just eaten something horrid. But, whatever, every now and then I decide to try and be a runner. And now is one of those times, baby giraffe or not.

So anyway, I went for my terrible run and when I got back I was plenty hot (and also panting and gasping and clutching at the counter so's not to faint) and the melon was plenty cold and I'd read up on how to hack into one of them online and thus:

We both tried it and Scott was not a fan but I was. Actually, I ended up eating my half and his. The kiwano melon tastes sort of like a cucumber mixed with a lime and the consistency is basically white watermelon seeds in a multitude of gelatinous sacks. The result is a fruit that is assuredly SciFi. 

As I was chowing down I sent a couple picture texts to my mom and said, "Look at this Star Trek fruit!" And then I remembered that in all my googling I'd neglected to see whether the fruit was actually featured on Star Trek so then I finally tracked it down and... yes: 

Remember when Molly fell through a hole in time and when she came back out she was a feral teenager and Miles was like, "Hey remember this delicious fruit you used to eat?!" Well, that's what this is--an African Horned Melon AKA the Golana Melon. Though, it looks like some poor prop guy had to cut all the spines off so (and this is wild conjecture) the actor types wouldn't hurt their widdle fingers. It's much more metal with the spines still on, obviously. But I don't want to be the guy who gets a call from Mr. Meaney's agent wondering why his client had to handle spiny, gelatinous fruit all day. 

Anyway, this weird fruit was totally worth the price of admission (about three dollars) for this Star Trek fan and if you're into sweet/tart gooey food that fights back harder than a targ with a head cold then I'd urge you to head on down to your deep space station's cantina to pick up a couple for yourself. 

Wednesday, March 15, 2017

Enterprise SS1 Episodes 12-17

I've been busy. It's sort of hard to explain. But the long and short of it is that I'm throwing myself into animation and I've been working on that--learning both the software and the foundations of animation--around ten hours a day. It's been pretty all-consuming. The days just keep flying by and I just keep not getting a chance to blog or to record a Generic Ensign. But here I am, attempting to make up for lost time with a quick and dirty round up post.

Silent Enemy:
Archer and crew run into some jerk aliens whilst trying to get the phase cannons online. In the b-plot, Hoshi attempts to learn Reed's favorite food. This "calling Malcom's parents and almost accidentally scheduling a date with him" plot is the one I always remember. Maybe, in part, because of its total weirdness. Does Archer track down everyone's favorite food for their b-day? That seems really time consuming. So why only Reed? A few years ago, I worked at a place that always made a big deal out of EVERYONE's birthday. There was cake and there were chips and there was veggie pizza (which was essentially raw broccoli and ranch dressing on bread) and a card passed around and we all assembled in the staff room and sang the song. It was often my job to help with this business but whenever it rolled around to January (and my birthday) the manager decided we should have combined month birthdays. Watching this episode, I basically just put myself in Hoshi's shoes and thought, "I'm a comm officer and highly trained linguist at the top of my field, serving on the flag ship and first Warp 5 vessel of Starfleet and I've just spent the last three days calling a dude's ex-girlfriends and asking about what he likes to eat."
"I could've published seven linguistics papers in the time it
 took to get this cake for you so I super hope you appreciate it."
Dear Doctor:
Wherein Phlox and Archer have a conversation that basically goes,
Archer: These people asked for our help.
Phlox: But we shouldn't interfere with their 'natural development'.
Me: That's pretty condescending.
Archer: Someday, Starfleet will have some sort of... directive... some sort of prime directive that'll tell us how we should blindly act whenever we get into these situations.
Me: Yeah, you should probably ignore that too.
Basically this episode is why I didn't pursue cultural anthropology at the graduate level.

Sleeping Dogs:
Hoshi, Reed, and T'Pol are trapped on a Klingon ship as it sinks into a gas giant. I actually quite like this one but I did imagine, while watching, a scene wherein Hoshi blows up at Reed about how much crap she had do to for his birthday.
"Once again I'm saving the day. What even is your job here?"
Shadows of P'Jem:
Archer and T'Pol are captured by some hostiles. The Vulcans and Andorians get involved and before long everyone's pointing fingers and name calling and making threats. Naturally, I love this one. Anytime the Andorians show up, I'm on board. Archer and T'Pol have natural chemistry and Shran has a wonderful sort of anti-chemistry with everyone.

Shuttlepod One:
Remember how the early astronauts were, nearly to a man, test pilots? The astronauts in these early missions were trained to continue the mission and to try to save themselves until they either succeeded or died. Welp, when Tucker and Reed find themselves stranded in a shuttlepod and they believe Enterprise to have been destroyed, while Tucker goes about trying to figure out a solution Reed gets down to business moping and mooning into several personal letters to friends and family about his soon-to-be untimely death. Even less productively, he manages to have a dream wherein he's making out with T'Pol. Had I been Tucker, I likely would've jettisoned the bastard and kept the remaining oxygen for myself but I'm chaotic neutral and Tucker is, like those early astronauts, lawful good and that's not how things work out.
"I bet you don't even really like pineapple!" 

Truly, I don't mean to pick on Reed. All the Star Trek first seasons have problems and they all have characters who hang around like wet dishrags because they're a good character in theory but no one really knows what to do with them. Archer and Tucker are pretty nailed down in this first season and I think that's because, like I mentioned, these guys are pretty much modeled on the early space program. What kind of guy is Archer? He's Jim Lovell. What kind guy is Tucker? He's Pete Conrad. All the rest of these people are still really malleable. Even T'Pol who it seems was meant to be Enterprise's Spock (and therefore also its Data, Odo, Doctor/Seven) feels a little adrift. What do we do with T'Pol in this episode? Hmm. Let's put her in her underwear. Or maybe she could make out with a guy in his dream. Or maybe a Ferengi should grope her ears. Or maybe she could be attacked in her quarters after she told a guy to stop. My point is that the first season of Enterprise, like the first season of any Trek (and any show, really) is shaky. Even though you're using similar ingredients the recipe isn't coming out like you thought it would. And that's ok. You just have to keep tweaking it until you find the right blend. Just look at how much Next Gen's second season improved!

Tuesday, February 21, 2017

Ten Times Trek Tackled Tough Topics


Growing up on Star Trek, I've always felt an unflinching optimism about the humanist direction of our world culture. I was a child of the 90s. A poor kid, a transient kid, a kid with divorced parents, a kid who went to fifteen schools and experienced therein a variety of micro-cultures. I was a kid from the Mountain South, a kid with strict, Southern Baptist grandparents but liberal-minded, artist parents who had all sorts of friends. I was a kid who stood in line for food stamps, a kid who lived, for a time, in a shelter and, for another time, in a fancy suburb. I was a kid who watched as factories and jobs and coal mines and mountain tops and any sense of pride went out of small town after small town in Appalachia. I was a kid who watched an Oxy epidemic and a low employment rate contribute to the already low life expectancy of those around her. I was a kid who once went hiking in the hills of North Carolina and watched as her mother burned to ash a racist symbol she'd found littering the overlook. I was a kid who grew up with family and friends of various colors, creeds, and sexual orientations. I remember being that kid, looking around at my own world and at the world on Star Trek, and thinking, "We've got a long way to go but at least we're on the right track."

I remember thinking that something like the future portrayed in Trek was where we were headed. And I still believe that.

When November rolled by and things shook out the way they did, I was disappointed by many things but, because of my varied background, unsurprised. I hoped it wouldn't be as bad as I worried it might be but, as January unfolded, I watched as the highest office in the land was filled by a man who seemed incapable of taking us anywhere but backward. I watched as cabinet positions were taken by confirmed bigots and misogynists and billionaires who'd bought and paid for a seat at a table where they might only wreak havoc on the poorest and most desperate families of this country and others. I watched as people on both sides on an invisible line shouted into their echo chambers and posted articles they hoped would garner favor from their like-minded friends. I watched and I retreated into my own world because confrontation and public discource is not something that comes naturally to me. And in my retreat, I continued to do as I have always done. I watched Star Trek. And, one afternoon, at the sound of a single line, about human compassion, I began to cry.

Star Trek has had a long, long history of turning its eye on the current cultural climate, of tackling the issues which tug at the ugliest, fuzziest, darkest parts of our world and brings them into sharp, technicolor focus. These episodes are a cornerstone of Trek and of Science Fiction in general. They allow us to see our own problems through the eyes of others (sometimes subtly, other times less so) and, hopefully, in looking through those other eyes, we can find some empathy or, at least, some empathy can find us. Star Trek says the things I have difficulty saying. It says these things with grace, compassion, and a hope that I will continue to turn to. I figured I might as well make a list for reference so, here it is:

1- A Taste of Armageddon, The Original Series
Two societies are content to let a computer deal out death so their physical culture is preserved. Kirk is having none of it. This is one of my favorites from TOS.


2- Let That Be Your Last Battlefield, The Original Series
Two races from one planet hate each other for superficial reasons the Enterprise crew can't even percieve. This one is easy (or maybe not) to scoff at these days but, in its time, it was a necessary and poignant episode.

3- The Drumhead, Next Generation
A confessed spy, a terrorist plot and a devious witchhunt are the set pieces of this quiet, courtroom episode and Picard is its beating heart.

4- Darmok, Next Generation
(Full Disclosure: This is my favorite episode of Star Trek. I will put it on every list I ever make. However, it absolutely deserves a spot here.) The Enterprise encounters a race of aliens whose language they cannot even begin to understand. Captain Picard is spirited away to a dangerous planet where he and the alien captain must overcome their differences and learn to work together.


5- The Outcast, Next Generation
Riker befriends a member of an androgynous race who considers an individual that identifies strongly as either male or female to be criminally deviant and perverted. Featured here is one of the best speeches in Trek.

6- Duet, DS9
Set against the still tense Bajoran/Cardassian conflict, Kira discovers an infamous, Cardassian war criminal aboard DS9. Things are not what they seem.

7- Far Beyond The Stars, DS9
This one features the crew in old timey duds and no alien makeup or prosthesis. It also features a stark look at the life of minorities in 1950s America as Sisko finds himself in the story of a black Science Fiction author trying to sell his vision of an egalitarian future to a world that's almost but not quite ready.

8- Distant Origin, Voyager
The Voyager gang becomes embroiled in one species' debate over evolutionary science.  This is an often forgotten but very strong outing. I'd also add that I think it's the best Chakota-sode but that would sound like I'm damning it with faint praise.


9- Remember, Voyager
The full title of this one should be, "Remember: Hard to Watch" and that's really the whole point. Basically, Voyager comes upon a somewhat serene society only to find an ugly and evil truth in their recent past. It's a truth most everyone would like to forget. Except they shouldn't.

10- Terra Prime, Enterprise
Alternate title: "Make Earth for Earthers Again!' This one pits Archer and crew against a xenophobic, isolationist leader (in the fabulous Peter Weller) who'd like to build a wall around the world make sure Earth is safe from any further seeking out of new life and new civilizations and/or boldly going.


Of course there are plenty more. When I mentioned to my husband that I was going to make a list of socio-political Star Trek allegories he said, "How long is that list going to be?" And I decided to limit it to ten. But there are plenty more.

Here are a few, in brief:
-TOS: Devil in the Dark (A lesson in tolerance and the dangers of hasty assumptions)
-TOS: Plato's Step-Children (First inter-racial kiss on US TV)
-TOS: A Private Little War (Overtones of the Vietnam War)
-TNG: Measure of a Man (What does it take to be considered human?)
-TNG: Journey's End (Native American rights in the 24th Century)
-TNG: Chain of Command (The horror and futility of torture)
-DS9: Homefront/Paradise Lost (Starfleet goes Patriot Act in fear of shapeshifter terrorists)
-DS9: Second Skin (Problems of identity, point of view, indoctrination)
-DS9: In The Pale Moonlight (Personal Values >/= Ultimate Goals?)
-VOY: Author, Author (Another exploration of humanity and human rights)
-VOY: Prototype (B'Elanna finds herself repairing instrument of endless war)
-VOY: Faces (B'Elanna confronts both parts of her bi-racial identity)
-ENT: Cogenitor (Rights of individual)
-ENT: Dear Doctor (Doctor and Captain grapple with the question of non-interference)
-ENT: Home (Issues of xenophobia in the wake of terrorism)

Welp. I'd meant for this to be a super short, list-form post. It became something... else. But if you're sitting around in your house thinking to yourself, "Gee. I wonder if there's any Star Trek out there that might resonate with whatever complicated feeelings I'm currently feeling regarding the current socio-political climate." The short answer is, "Yes." The long answer is, "Yes."

Friday, January 27, 2017

Generic Ensign ENT: Andorian Incident and Breaking the Ice


I ate a lot of pecan pie to make this post. A lot. I am not ok after that.


Generic Ensign's Log: ENT 2 from AshleyRose on Vimeo.

Sidenote- I realize that I have a "weird mouth" when I eat. It's a combination of my highly elastic skin and a strange Aspie thing where when I was a kid I was told not to eat with my mouth open and I took that to mean, "NEVER EVER OPEN YOUR MOUTH EXCEPT TO PUT NEW FOOD IN." So my whole life I got weird looks/giggles in school cafeterias and never understood why. Then one day when I was 33 I made a silly Star Trek Vlog and watched it and just laughed and laughed. (That day was today.)

Extra Side Note: (since I'm over here spilling my guts) I have a REALLY hard time with some food textures and gooey/gelatinous sweet stuff is one of them. I'm telling you right now that I sacrificed for this video. Sacrificed. Also I'm still on a bit of a sugar high, if you can't tell. From the rambling. I  hope you enjoyed this installment of Generic Ensign! In spite of my silly struggles, I really enjoy making them.


Thursday, January 19, 2017

NEW Generic Ensign for 2017

BAM! I'm back, y'all!

I was SO sick over Christmas and then had SO much work to catch up on once I got back and seriously I haven't even taken the tree down yet. That's how behind I am. It's January 19th or some biz. Anyway, one of the things I hated getting behind on was this blog. I had big plans for the new year. I was going to suddenly pop up on January 1st in my new GE costume and be all like, "GUESS WHAT I'M WATCHING!!!!" But I didn't have time to work on said costume because of said flu. Whatever, I can do that even if it's January 19th because this is my blog and it's the fourth year of this blog and I make the rules (up as I go.) So, without further ado:

GUESS WHAT I'M WATCHING!!?!!? 
(Prepare yourself for five episodes covered in short order)


In case you didn't watch the video because you, like me, have an aversion to video posts (unless they're walkthroughs for video game stuff) and you can't even guess from the still up above--it's Enterprise! And, because there's comparatively so little of it, I'm hoping to either write or Vlog about each episode. I've seen Enterprise all the way through three times with a few outliers here and there having been watched a couple more times and I haven't seen it at all since my initial Year of Star Trek so I'm (if you can't tell) super excited. Here we (boldly) go!


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...