Monday, July 21, 2014

When Your Klingonness Is Just Too Much

I've mentioned here before that if I belonged to any Star Trek species, I'd be half-Klingon, half-Vulcan. This has nothing to do with my parents' actual species (Betazoid/B'joran) but more just how I turned out.

Part of my Klingon-ness comes from how stubborn I am, how I tend to get frustrated easily, and how I tend to like to spend kind of a lot of time in the gym. I like lifting heavy weight and I like getting stronger and I like being a woman who can push around heavy weight.

The Vulcan part of me uses the gym as a sort of meditation. When I bench, all I'm thinking about is the weight. Everything else goes still and quiet. It's the only time in my day that that happens. It's like shoving earplugs in my brain and I love it.

Anyway, as in the rest of my life, I tend to inadvertently stick out at the gym. I'm pale in Southern California. I don't wear trendy, neon tops. I can't begin to get my shoulder-length hair into one of those sexy top knot things. I don't even kind of glisten. I drip buckets of gross, Klingon-smelling sweat all over the place--which I then wipe up because I'm not a damn heathen. I don't have earbuds or whatever in my ears and I turn REALLY red when I'm exerting myself. (see the note about paleness above.) I also have vasovagal syncope which makes me pass out and then I need some kind of sugar so I carry around these individually packaged prunes which... I mean, honestly, how opposite-of-cool are prunes? What am I, ninety? (I wish! Then I'd have a million cats!)

Whatever, I lift like a Klingon but I don't have the Klingon redundancies in my body so sometimes I suffer little injuries that nag me for a few days. But, about two weeks ago, I did something to my biceps tendon and it hasn't been right since. At first I tried to just work through it. But, that ended up exacerbating the problem.

Now, I'm relegated to leg work. I've done so many squats lately. You don't even know. The thing is, I can't do heavy leg stuff every single day. That means time in the cardio room. Cardio? Uggh. I run sprints and intervals but anything more than twenty minutes and I just want to go eat ice cream and watch TV. But the last 10 days? I've had to make friends with the stationary bike, treadmill, and elliptical. If I know I'm doing more than half an hour, I take my kindle and read.
Anyway, right now I have my shoulder/bicep wrapped. If it's not iced, it burns. When I wake up it hurts. When I lay down it hurts. I can't open jars or twist my own water bottle shut because my grip can't take any torque. This. Is. Ridiculous.

My Vulcan-self has had time (on a stationary bike) to reflect and I'm pretty sure I got into this position pushing myself too hard. ie- Being a little too Klingon in the gym. This reminds me a lot of Worf/B'elanna so here are a few times where their Klingonness was just too much:

1- When Worf gets super hurt:
TNG: Ethics
Worf is Worfing around and a big barrel falls on him and breaks his back. Dude is all messed up and Crusher is the model of compassion but compassion isn't exactly what Worf is all about. He's more about getting back to Worfing around as much as possible. So, another Doc steps in with some questionable ethics and presents an interesting but dangerous new treatment option.

2- When Worf has a fancy party:
TNG: The Icarus Factor
Worf is being all moody (aka- Worfing Around in 2nd Gear) because it's time for him to celebrate the Rite of Ascension and there aren't any other Klingons around to help him out. Thankfully, Wesley gets a plan together A-Team style and they round up some pain sticks for his special day.

3- When Worf goes on vacation:
DS9: Let He Who Is Without Sin
Worf's girlfriend gets him to FINALLY take a vacation and he is 100% miserable the entire time. When Jadzia finally confronts him about how he isn't at all like all the other, fun-loving Klingons she knows, we get one of the best Worf scenes in all of Star Trek. It's quiet. It's understated. And it's really, really Klingon.

4- When B'Elanna is way too into living dangerously:
VOY: Extreme Risk
B'Elanna starts Worfing around and runs all kinds of super hardcore holodeck programs with the safety off and nearly gets herself killed a bunch of times. When Chakotay confronts her, it comes out that B'Elanna is attempting to deal with her depression about the massacre of her Maquis friends by basically Klingon-ing the days away.

5- When B'Elanna takes a Klingon cruise to Klingon Hell:
VOY: Barge of the Dead
When B'Elanna dies in a shuttle accident, she makes a quick trip to the Klingon afterlife but finds that she's headed for dishonor--and so is her mom. She negotiates with her Ship-Mom to be put back into the same, death-like state she had been in when she fell onto the deck of a Klingon boat. Janeway surprisingly lets her go through this mess and she spends the rest of the episode with a bunch of other Klingons talking about the finer points of honor.

BONUS- When a bunch of tribbles hated Arn Darvin:
TOS: The Trouble With Tribbles
You guys know this one right? Sure, you do. Well, here goes anyway. The Enterprise answers a distress call and they're pretty pissed to learn that they (a super nice starship) were only invited over to guard some dang wheat. Anyway, some Klingons also show up. Hijinks ensue. Tribbles abound. And a bar fight breaks out. Lots of fun.

Ok, even typing hurts my arm so you can imagine how terrible I feel after such an over-long blog post. I'm going to take some Aleve and try to be more Vulcan for the remainder of the night.


  1. I'm telling you - yoga, yoga, yoga! :-) You'd be a beast at it!

  2. Maybe you should get it checked out.


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