Thursday, August 20, 2015

Voyager Re-Member: Future's End

So about a million years ago  two weeks ago, because I was stuck on a plane/in an airport/generally unable to access the internet I wrote a post recapping the Voyager episode "Basics" completely from memory. I felt like it was pretty successful and, the thing is, I'm still in this weird place where I'm away from home and don't really have great internet access or the time to really just sit down and watch a 2-part episode. So I'm back to do it again with "Future's End." The idea here is that I'm not going to look up stuff about the episode or watch it--only describe/guess/make up what I can remember from all the times I've viewed it in the past.

Alright! Let's get started!

Ok, so... Voyager ends up in 199Something because...? Time rift? Yes. That sounds right. I think Voyager encounters a ship from FURTHER in the future than them and they're all like, "You've contaminated the timeline!" and Janeway's all, "Nuh-uh." But then I think there's a fight and suddenly both ships get sucked into the time rift.

Alright so now we're in 199Something and it's Los Angeles and what I remember about this is Janeway wearing a snazzy white pantsuit and it's really sunny and maybe they're supposed to be down around Venice Beach or maybe the Santa Monica Pier. I don't know. When I saw this as a kid I remember thinking, "This is LA? This place looks ridiculous." And now I live in LA and it is ridiculous. Anyway, so Janeway and Chakotay are walking around and... maybe taking scans? And then they meet up with Paris and Tuvok, I think? And Tuvok is wearing like... the BEST outfit. I love Tuvok's outfit in this episode. I mean, he and Paris are both wearing tank tops, amIright? I'm right. There's no way I could forget Tuvok running around Los Angeles in a tank top.

Ok so anyway, I guess something happens and they head up to Griffith Observatory because of maybe someone's spotted Voyager on their sensors or radar or whatever we puny 199Something humans were using to scan the skies for alien life. And so they get over there and I guess knock on the door and Sarah Silverman answers and she's like, "Cool tank top." Or something. And then I think... maybe some folks show up to kill her at this point or maybe it's not yet. Oh! Maybe they are there to destroy evidence of Voyager so she can't go around telling people about them because then they really would've contaminated the timeline.

Hmm. So at some point in all this we're made aware of the giant turd who's actually behind all this business. Ed Begley Junior. That's right. He's the CEO of some tech company and he's been pedaling technology gleaned from a crashed UFO (the future ship) he found back in like... the 60's.

How'm I doing so far? Good? Deep breath.

So I guess he makes contact with Voyager or they make contact with him. Does Harry talk to him on the comm? That kind of seems familiar. So then I think he scans them and downloads their database and suddenly The Doctor pops up and he's all, "WTF am I doing in Ed Begley Jr's office?" Also I sort of feel like Ed Begley Jr is building his own time ship? Maybe?

Ok maybe now is when he sends some goons to kill Sarah Silverman. Anyway at some point she and Tank Top Tuvok and Tank Top Tom all jump in her old VW Van and we get a kind of weird chase through Los Angeles. Do we all go back to her apartment? Does Tank Top Tom flirt with her? In my head there's a scene where maybe there's pizza and flirting but I might've just filled in the gaps on my own there.

Anyway they all decide to make a deal, I guess. Sarah Silverman has... something? She has something. And Ed Begley Jr wants it and they're going to do some kind of trade for The Doctor? Is this making sense? I feel like it's really sunny and there are goons and phaser fire and The Doctor is all, "I'm panicking! Get me out of here!" Oh! And also somewhere in this bit The Doctor says something to the effect of, "Going somewhere? In case you haven't noticed, I'm a hologram, I can't go anywhere!" (I made up that dialogue but it sounds totally legit in my head) and then Ed Begley Jr is all, "Well, Doc, you can now. Here's a holo emitter. Take good care of it for the next 4 seasons because it's just about irreplaceable. Also here's a backup one for you to lose on a planet somewhere so a culture can build a big museum about how awful Voyager is." Also I think I remember Sarah Silverman wearing a tank top in this part too because all we did in the 90s was go around wearing tank tops and saying ridiculous slang.

Oh! And then somewhere in here Janeway/Chakotay maybe run into that Future Jerk from the beginning and are like, 'Holy crap! What are you doing here?!" And he's all, "Ed Begley Jr is a turd!" I don't know where that goes. Probably at the beginning before all this stuff where we know Ed Begley Jr is a turd and he's trying to kill Sarah Silverman.

Next... some kind of... conclusion? I feel like there's some outsmarting that happens here. How does one go about thwarting Ed Begley Jr? Hmmm. I really don't remember at all but I'm sure it has something to do with Janeway being really smart and also maybe Sarah Silverman's in on saving the day. Probably there are some explosions. Anyway, the day is saved and Voyager goes... back through the rift? I guess? And...Oh! And then is there another time ship maybe? And he's all, "You're going to contaminate the timeline!" And Janeway's like, "Slow your roll."

And then I think they all eat cake.

DONE! Alright, how'd I do? Let me know in the comments.

PS- I found these pics in my files from the last time I watched this one. Who totally called the tank tops and pantsuit? Me. That's who.

1 comment:

  1. I love your re-members! I can't recall a lot of the details of this one either even though I watched it a few months ago. You did omit the part where Chakotay and B'Elana are captured by some gun-wielding farmers and the doctor saves them while showing off his hologram-ness. For the conclusion, I seem to recall the sidekick trying to fly the ship? It's pretty hazy for me too!


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