Voyager Re-Watch: Real Life

Family's a weird thing. I realize that telling other people your dreams is a pointless endeavor--nothing makes sense because the narrative structure isn't there--its emotional power is only evident to the person telling it. Still, this is my blog and I do what I want. Last night I had a dream. There was a flood, wild and domestic animals escaping from said flood, and I was paying my dad a visit. As we were trying to escape encroaching water, my dad insisted we take my (still-alive) grandpa's freshly cut gravestone to him so he could read it. I argued. Eventually I read the gravestone and realized that my grandpa was not still alive. The needle dropped and suddenly there was a dramatic soundtrack to my dream and the words on the gravestone matched the lyrics in the song. I broke down crying. Then my husband woke me up. I was still crying. Real, physical tears.

I don't think that's happened since I was a little kid.

In actuality, my grandpa died almost a year ago. And, in real life, I paid my dad a visit almost a month ago. While I was there we saw my grandpa's grave. The song was a discombobulated version of a pre-release from Josh Ritter's new album that I've had stuck in my head for several days. I know where all the pieces came from and, in my real, awake life, I understand that, under the surface, I've been thinking a lot about family and how things just don't really seem to work out, how it's both easier and harder for me to be a long way away.

 In the third season episode, "Real Life," The Doctor decides he ought to experience the same crap I've been dealing with but he's not very good at setting it all up. He creates a holodeck family for himself but it's all very Leave It To Beaver and everyone is delightful, intelligent, and articulate--and of course they all revere him. When B'Elanna and Kes come over for dinner they immediately point out how rosy everything is and B'Elanna offers to make his program more realistic. Now The Doctor's wife is a busy professional who doesn't have time to cater to his every whim. His daughter is a high-achieving but temperamental all-star and his teenage son is way into some dangerous Klingon stuff. Now The Doctor's family life is full of spats and shouting and accusations etc but then his daughter breaks her noggin playing Pereses Squares and The Doctor leaves the program behind at the moment when they need him most.

I get this. The way I'm wired, I have a tendency to shove anything that's too emotional into its own tidy place (sometimes this is that place) until it's stale enough that I can deal with it (which is maybe never.) Family stress is hard to logic away. It's hard to quit your family and I don't want to even if I could. But I also can't go around dwelling on it and/or not dwelling on it. Eventually I have to have those emotions I don't want to have and sometimes they get shoved into my dreams because dealing with this stuff is just part of life.

That's what The Doctor learns too. After trying to forget about his experimental family and all of their holo-problems, he realizes (with help from Tom Paris) that this is all just part of life and if he tries to push those emotions away, he'll never really deal with them so he goes back and faces the death of his holo-daughter alongside his family. The needle drops. There's a dramatic soundtrack. Everyone cries.

Voyager Re-Watch: Before and After

I love the idea of getting unstuck in time. My favorite novel is Slaughterhouse Five. And while, Kes' adventure isn't really very much like Billy Pilgrim's, there are some similarities. Acting as a tourist in your own timeline, the confusion of seeing your life play out without context, the loss of control (or loss of the delusion of control) of one's day to day life. I guess I saw this episode well before I found Vonnegut's famous novel but, when you're unstuck in time, does it really matter which came first?

To catch you up:
Kes wakes up as an old lady (she's nine) in the future and The Doctor is telling her she's his BFF and her grandson is there and then she zaps back to a few weeks prior, at her b-day party, where she sees her daughter (a grown woman married to Harry Kim) and her husband (Tom Paris) and she realizes something weird is going on because she doesn't know any of these damn people. She keeps zapping backward, along her own timeline, trying to figure out what's happened to her, who she is, how she fits into this whirlwind and we see one possible timeline for Kes in reverse. Eventually she quits zapping and we get our regular Kes back, with all the memories of her unstuck-ness, in tact.

Before and After is a pretty powerful episode. Of course, Trek has a long, long history of Alternate History/Future Tear Jerkers and, while this one might not have the heart-ripping brute strength of The Inner Light, I think that's only because of its more ponderous, more mysterious nature. This episode is as much about Kes solving a problem as it is about what might have been. In The Inner Light, Picard knows who he is but eventually gives up on trying to get back to his starship (and it's a beautiful moment when he does) but Kes starts out as a blank slate. This episode is as much about figuring out who she is as it is trying to "get back." She doesn't really even know what she's getting back to. But, each time she jumps, she learns more and more about her family, her crew, her life on-board Voyager, and she knows she has to find a way to get that life, that crew, that family back. We're just along for the ride.

Of course, one of the most provocative things in this episode is only barely mentioned. The Year of Hell--in which Janeway dies (along with a fair part of the crew) and everything changes. It's such a brilliant idea and one that ultimately does pay off--though maybe not in the way one would expect.

This is the last great Kes episode before her departure in The Gift and I'm so glad they did it. Jennifer Lien is amazing in this one and she really was just beginning to come into her own as Kes.

Bonus Points:
-The Doctor has a few names in this one, including Van Gogh and Mozart
-I love that they kept the Okampan language consistent: Elogium/Moralogium
-Love the Tom/B'Elanna stuff here
-Neelix is a security officer in the future and he looks great in gold
-All the Janeway/Kes stuff in this one is fantastic

Voyager Re-Watch: Unity, Darkling, Rise, Favorite Son

Hooray for episode dumps! Man, the number of episodes I've watched this week really reminds me of the original Year of Star Trek. It really takes me back... and makes me a bit twitchy to be honest.

Anyway, over the last couple of days I watched a stretch of interesting episodes. Chakotay, The Doc, Tuvok/Neelix, and Harry all had a chance to shine and, while I like all of these episodes just fine, I don't mind throwing any of them in an episode dump.

Unity: 
Ok, so in this one Chakotay and some Generic Ensign (but not the Generic Ensign, obviously) are wandering around in a shuttle doing some charting in the Necrid Expanse when they land on a planet transmitting a distress signal. When they're attacked Generic Ensign bites it but Chakotay wakes up in the care of a really pretty lady who also happens to be a recovering Borg. (She was taken at Wolf 539, which I think is a nice Easter Egg-type bit of info) Anyway, this one's a nice Chakotay episode and his relationship with Miss Borg, while quick, is meaningful (thanks to Chakotay's short-term Borg implant) and I guess maybe it helps him sort of get over Janeway a bit.
Additionally, Unity is the first episode I can recall that expands the Trek mythology to deepen the Borg's identity--a sophisticated, highly-connected community. Yes, they may strip away your identity but if you ever left, you'd soon feel the loss of your giant machine family. (As we'll soon see.)

Darkling:
You ever read a book or study someone from history and think, "Gee, I wish I was more like them." Well, that's pretty much what The Doctor does here. Except he also has the ability to graft parts of holo-versions of others' personalities onto his own. And then he goes around murdering the crap out of Kes' new boyfriend. Eventually Kes/B'Elanna fix him and they can all go about their merry way, never mind the consequences. This one is, as you'd expect, a great opportunity for Robert Picardo to flex his acting muscles and he's effectively menacing and creepy as FrankenDoctor.

Rise: 
Tuvok has always had it out for Neelix whether he admits it or not. In Rise, they have to come to terms with their uncomfortable relationship. Neelix goes about trying to impress Tuvok and Tuvok goes about being disagreeable and dismissive. Eventually Tuvok finally comes to realize that Neelix isn't a disposable idiot with nothing to give but a valuable, intelligent member of the Voyager's crew. Basically, in this scenario, Tuvok represents every reluctant Star Trek fan who hated/hates Neelix except that Tuvok eventually begrudgingly accepts Neelix.

Favorite Son: 
So this is the one where Harry finds out he's not a lowly ensign who can't even keep a holo-girlfriend but actually a super important part of an alien society with a million potential girlfriends/wives/soul-suckers. This one's kind of a mess. And, reading about its background, that makes sense. Originally this one was going to be played straight--no life-sucking honeys. Harry was going to be an alien for the rest of the series and would have to deal with his new, dual identity forever. But then I guess someone was like, "But we should have a million ladies with sexy times!" And then someone else was like, "Ok but we can't let it be too sexy, we need to be time-slot-appropriate." And then someone else was like, "Also, how about let's just reset everything again at the end so it all goes back to normal." It's a shame. I'd have loved to see the original idea played through. As it is, Harry never gets very much character development even though it seems like he has a lot of potential.

Quick Note: I'm now on Tumblr. I put fanart and original art and that kind of thing over there. So... go follow me. If that's the kind of thing you're into.

Hey Look: I was in Vegas two years ago!

Voyager Re-Watch: Blood Fever

I have a lot of feelings about Blood Fever. Mostly, my feelings all have to do with this one being hot. Steamy and sexy. I can't help it. Even when I was a kid I loved the sweaty, feisty, sex-crazed nature of this episode. If you're not familiar, here's the deal:

Ensign Vorik (Vulcan dude, remember?) has been kind of into B'Elanna for the last few episodes and now he declares his undying... whatever Vulcans have... for her and tells her she's his mate now what with him having the Pon Farr and all. He grabs her and B'Elanna's all, "Step off!" and then she knocks him out. Later on, she, Chakotay and Tom are all messing around on the Planet Hell Set and she starts acting kinda loopy. And by loopy I mean, "in need of the sexy time" but also, "crankier than usual about everything." Between The Doctor and Tuvok, they put together what's happened.

B'Elanna has psychically contracted Vorik's Pon Farr. She ends up selecting Tom Paris as the most appropriate candidate for sexy time and he, over and over, refuses her advances until, finally, Tuvok is all, "If she doesn't do the deed, she'll die." And now Paris is all, "Ok--if I have to." But then Vorik shows up and challenges Paris to fight for B'Elanna and B'Elanna's all, "I'll take your challenge myself!" Which is good because obviously Paris was going to lose that fight. Anyway, B'Elanna wins and they all go back to Voyager.

I love this one for so many reasons. I love that it's a B'Elanna-sode. I love that she--who always struggles to keep her intense, Klingon emotions in check--is the one who has to undergo the Pon Farr. I love Roxann Dawson's performance. I love how aggressive she is.  We've seen Klingon sexiness before in TNG (remember Worf saying, "this is sex" and everyone kind of grimaces (except me)?) and DS9 but now we get it from a woman--which is lovely and fresh and nicely handled. I love that she pursues Tom instead of Chakotay (who it seems like the writers were shipping in season one) and I love that Tom rebuffs her advances time and again because he knows she isn't herself. I love that they finally get a (beautifully lit) first kiss!

I love that, when Tom finally agrees to mate with B'Elanna, it's aggressive and sexy and fun--until Vorik shows up. And, of course, I love that B'Elanna took him on herself. That, in spite of everything she was going through, she was her own champion.

Notice the Tank Top of Badassery

The idea of being fearful of exploring one's own identity, being at odds with oneself, is something that's been there since the beginning when Leonard Nimoy made Spock's bi-racial/bi-cultural/intellectually a-typical struggle so tangible. Dawson's continued portrayal of B'Elanna's internal struggle throughout Voyager is similarly resonant. She is a Klingon, a human, a scientist, an ex-cadet and ex-rebel, an officer, a woman. She's simultaneously proud and afraid of herself. She's constantly trying to keep from boiling over and letting everything inside of her out and, in Blood Fever, we (and Tom Paris) see that what's inside is actually pretty damn awesome.



Bonus Points:
-This one was directed by Andrew Robinson aka DS9's Garak
-Love The Doctor's confidence in his holo-sex-bot and love that his solution ultimately fails
-THE BORG!!!!! OMG!

Voyager Re-Watch: Fair Trade, Alter Ego, Coda

Well, it's about time for an episode dump. Basically, my goal is to watch all of Voyager in 2015. That doesn't sound like too big a deal. And, really, it's not a big deal. The watching, anyway. I can watch several Voyager in a row and not tire of it but then I have to go write a post about each of the episodes and then I start feeling all this pressure about it because I want to make it good  and I want to say something original or whatever. But, the thing is, between family drama, family illness, medication induced depression, launching my second novel, prepping my third, and writing a whole other big, crazy project, I do get a bit bogged down. There are 114 days left of 2015 and (before this post) 116 episodes left to watch and write about so, like it or not, sometimes I'm just going to have to do an episode dump wherein I write about several episodes at once.

Here we go, then!

Fair Trade: 
Ok so in this one, Neelix is feeling super down in the dumps because Voyager is pulling into a part of space that he's super unfamiliar with. He hopes to improve his situation by buying a map of these here parts from a sketchy Talaxian he used to be in league with. The old friend betrays him, Neelix gets in way over his head, and he has to come clean about the whole ordeal and ends up scrubbing conduits or something as punishment.

I feel like this is one of the episodes where the Neelix character really begins to come into his own. He's no longer dating Kes (which they didn't show but I sort of feel like their break-up in Warlord was at least partially for realsies) so we can't rely on him to be a shitty, jealous boyfriend. He's not particularly annoying. He's just trying to make sure he still has a place on Voyager once they head out of his old stomping grounds. He's sympathetic and, in the end, he stands up and does the right thing, even when it means taking a huge, personal risk.

Alter-Ego:
So this is the one where Tuvok steals Harry's holodeck girlfriend and she gets way possessive of her new Vulcan playmate and holds Voyager hostage. Ultimately it's about a lonely chick in a spaceship who's been doing way too much facebook snooping.

Alright, anytime Harry gets mopey over a girl I sort of switch off. First of all, whatever happened to Libby? Second, whatever happened to whatsherface Delaney Sister? This dude has always got it bad for someone and I guess that's kind of the running joke--especially when we get to Seven. Anyway, this episode is sort of a cross between the time Geordi totally lost it for the holodeck version of some science lady and the time some weirdo in a castle wanted to make Hoshi his princess. Actually, you know, I that castle weirdo had a super long lifespan, didn't he? He and this lonely snooping chick should totally hook up. I'm shipping them now. It's official.

Perfect.

Coda: 
Janeway bites it. And then she bites it again. Then she gets the Phage and she bites it slowly. Then she sees her dad who bit it a long time ago and she's all, "I'm not convinced I've bitten it!" And then he's like, "Oh, actually I'm an alien." And she's all, "Go back to hell, you coward!" That last line is real and she delivered it with the same exact intensity as Inigo Montoya when he uttered the famous, "You killed my father. Prepare to die!"

Anyway, I really like this one. It fits nicely in the classic mind-bender trope Trek episodes and I like the "what's really going on here" type of psychological mystery. Janeway is the perfect character to pull this off too. I feel like she's the very last person on Voyager to buy into her own demise. Janeway's totally committed to dying on her own terms and no alien-ghost-dad is going to convince her otherwise.

-Bonus Points for Chakotay's raw emotion at Janeway's death. Those are some legit acting chops right there.

Voyager Re-Watch: Macrocosm

I'm here today to talk about a tank top. Seriously.

As a kid who happened to be a girl and also happened to be way into SciFi, tank tops made a big difference to me. Well, not so much the tank tops. The women in those tank tops. BAMF Ladies is what I'm talking about. (Actually I have a post coming soon all about BAMF Lady TV Shows!) These chicks hold their own wherever they go. They're usually something/something/badass.

Like: mom/waitress/badass:

Or, mom/warrant officer/badass:

Or, heiress/archaeologist/badass:

The tank-top-wearing badass chick continued to be a staple throughout my childhood and teenage years and into the present with chicks like Trinity, Starbuck and, Tank Girl--women who were everything to me.

So it shouldn't come as any surprise that Captain Janeway--my captain--is listed among these awesome, do-it-yourself, take-no-prisoners, brilliant/interesting/badass chicks:

gif courtesy: Star Trek Gifs

Janeway's a Starfleet Captain/Scientist/Badass and she's here to mess up your day--if you're a giant virus that's got way out of hand.

Macrocosm is pretty much Die Hard in a spaceship. One person finds themself in a claustrophobic, hostile situation and has to save everyone without any outside help, using only their brains (and their gun.) John McClane did it--in a tank top. 

And, while I love Die Hard and McClane, I always loved these chicks more. John McClane is a cop. His whole deal is that he's a tough guy who saves people. These chicks are moms and scientists and archaeologists and explorers who step up because they can, because they care about the people who need them, because they don't need a guy in a tank top to save them. They have their own tank top. Their own mission. Their own victory. 

And so do I. 

Voyager Re-Watch: The Q And The Grey

Alright. Guess who's back in California! (Me. It's me. I've been gone a while)

The last month's been a little lopsided. I really felt like I was doing such an amazing job holding it together through all of the stress and crises and whatever else my south east roots had in store for me. Then, I got back, thought I'd lay down for a nap, and slept for twelve hours. Twelve. Hours. Out cold. I spent the remainder of the weekend eating cheeseburgers, watching cartoons, and reading the first third Watership Down. I felt like I had "recovered." I had my mind set on getting back to work bright and early Monday morning. Which is precisely when I got a somewhat snarky review for my latest book. Folks, I'm not gonna lie. I cried.

Here's some background and you can skip it if you're more interested in the actual Star Trek part of this Star Trek blog: 
The thing is, I don't think I was shedding major tears over this review. That kind of thing just goes with being an author and putting yourself out there. No. What actually happened is that for the last three months or so I've been writing a novel about a woman losing her father. Then, sort of out of the blue, the idea of losing my kind-hearted, amazing, flesh-and-blood father-in-law was suddenly a real possibility. I spent a week in the hospital with him and the family who've so lovingly made me their own and then two more weeks at their house. While there, all I wanted to do was go see my own big, weird dad. So I did. And then I didn't want to leave. All I could think about was the possibility of losing my dad. How suddenly this is a real thing. But I had to leave. I had to come back here to my real life and work on my book about a woman losing her dad and maybe get it published and maybe people will like it and then maybe my big, weird dad will finally think I'm somebody. Holy crap! But the whole time I was gone, I didn't cry or freak out. I felt some feelings but (with the exception of dumping them here--which is where most of my feelings come to live/die) I pushed them all down. And then I got up on Monday morning, ready to face one more edit on this new book before sending it out and... I got that review. And many tears were shed. And then I wiped my face off and resolved to buck up and keep going. Because, really, isn't that what it's all about? So that's what I did the last three days. Work. Get caught up. Etc.

And now I'm back!

Ok, so, Q And The Grey. I actually watched this one last week, while I was still in Kentucky so I might be a little fuzzy on the details but basically Q shows up on Voyager and is all, "Hey Kate, let's make a baby!" And, of course, Janeway is all, "GTFO!" And this goes on and on until a LADY Q shows up in the form of the wonderful Suzie Plackson and is all, "That's my man. WTF!?" And then Q snatches Janeway away and into the Continuum where Janeway comprehends her surroundings as a battle in the American Civil War. There's some blood. Some gunshots. Some near-executions. And then Q and Lady Q are reunited and have weird Q sex with their fingers and then Q shows up a little while later, back on Voyager, with a tiny, adorable Q baby.

Basically all I can think about with this episode is, were I in Janeway's place, whether or not I would voluntarily produce offspring with Q (or anyone) to save my ship. Since i've been meaning to write this post for about six days, I've had a lot of time to consider the question and, like Janeway, I'm going to have to say no. I've gone into this before (probably a lot) but I don't want kids. Not even with Q or, maybe, especially with Q. Now, if it had been like Vash and Q was like, "Wanna go on some amazing dates across time and space?!" I'd be like, "Yes." Because then you're basically a companion on Doctor Who except probably there's a lot less running.

My favorite stuff about this episode:
-When Suzie Plackson (who played Alexander's badass half-Klingon mom) tells B'Elanna how she always liked Klingon women.
-Paris and Tuvok dressed up in Civil War duds.
-Janeway's monster dress. She totally pulls off the disgruntled Southern Belle look.
-I know this is probably lame but I actually like it when Chakotay admits to Q's relentless pursuit of Janeway bothering the hell out of him.
-I love the idea that when Qs are at war, the whole cosmos begins to rip itself apart
-Q refers to Neeliz as "bar rodent"

I know this episode is kind of a mess and a little bit all over the place but I think it's tremendous fun. Also, I'm glad Janeway stuck to her guns. There's nothing more tempting for her than the idea of going home but that doesn't mean you have to give a baby to an omnipotent being just so your crew can have a free ride.