Friday, February 28, 2014

Coming Clean

I think, in 2013, the longest I'd ever let this blog sit without writing was two days. Then the new year rolled around. I got deep into the revision of my soon-to-be-released first novel. I started consulting with a web designer and putting together tons of new art for both the book and the site. I started scheduling blog tour type-things and a trip back to Kentucky to participate in my MFA program's alumni reading series. I've been outlining and researching for the next book at full clip. I've been in and out of doctor's offices trying to get to the bottom of some issues. I went on a crazy baking binge. And, all the while, I wrote less and less of this blog.

At first, I thought it was just because I was so busy. And, while I am much, much busier this year (so far) than I was last year, this absence also stems from my not watching any Star Trek. When the year first rolled over I was already missing my three Star Trek/day regimen. Every time I got a free forty-five minutes, I'd watch an old episode. But then, I went through a long spell of not watching. Just too busy.

I kept thinking, "Oh, I'll watch one tonight. I'll catch one tomorrow."

Finally, when I did catch a break, I spooled up the Netflix and scrolled through the various series. Nope. Not Enterprise. Still too fresh. No, not Voyager either. I had to watch that one so fast that I'm still a little exhausted by it. Not really feeling DS9. No, I've seen all of those TNG episodes a million times and all of them again only a few months ago. Ok, let's do TOS. I started up a random episode. Something I did before My Year of Star Trek all the time. It was my go-to video wallpaper.

I started it. I was working on some illustration stuff at the same time. Five minutes went by. Ten. It was dragging. And that's when I realized... Star Trek has started to feel like work.

After a year of three (and often more) episodes per day and writing about Star Trek just about every single day, followed by my apparent Stockholm Syndrome-like symptoms that occurred in the first weeks of January, I'd done the unthinkable: I'd burned out.

The guilt and shame that I felt upon this realization was intense. I have always loved this show. I'd just spent an entire year of my life immersed in this show. It had always been my solace, my refuge from the real world. I'd always been able to watch it and relax--thinking about how peaceful and delightful and optimistic the future and humanity could be. Now, for the first time in my life, I found the watching of my favorite show to be a chore. I still love the idea of it. I still love my memories of it. I still love this blog. But, watching individual episodes is something that I just can't do right now.

I missed the blog. I missed you. I hated not writing but I hadn't much Star Trek stuff to write about. I still have posts planned. Rock Climbing in Star Trek, for instance. Tons of Mix Tapes. And I still want to write all of those and can do so just by referring to last year's notes. But, I think I have to make this a predominantly personal blog for a little while. Less about Star Trek and more about me and my daily life and the other things I'm watching/reading/doing. Otherwise, I won't be able to write.

I know I'll get back on Star Trek soon. I know this aversion will wear off. I know that in a couple weeks or months, I'll happen to catch a well-worn episode of TNG on BBC America and say, "Stop. Leave it there. I love this one."

Right now though. I just need a little bit of a break. So, please, please, stick with me.


  1. Still here! : ) Glad to hear you're doing well, and I hope you find good health. Don't stress about fatigue. Absence does-indeed make the heart grow fonder. Trek will never not be a part of you.

  2. You have to do what works for you! It's no good if your hobby feels like a job or a chore.

  3. I wish I had found your blog when you started you Year of Star Trek! I'm just moving into my third year of Trek, I've watched every night, moving through the series and movies in time line order, for two years now. I can't imagine writing about it too! I am looking forward to using your blog as my new episode guide this year!

  4. I'm not surprised. It was bound to happen sooner or later. No need to fee bad about it. It's human to get burned out.

    Is this also why Our Year of X-Files has had no new posts since the end of January? I just assumed you two were super busy. I'm still keeping up. Watched "Red Museum" today.

  5. I've missed you, I've missed Star Trek, and I completely understand. Wishing you all the best- with health, with your book(s), and with getting back into the groove...


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