Enterprise SS1 Episodes 12-17

I've been busy. It's sort of hard to explain. But the long and short of it is that I'm throwing myself into animation and I've been working on that--learning both the software and the foundations of animation--around ten hours a day. It's been pretty all-consuming. The days just keep flying by and I just keep not getting a chance to blog or to record a Generic Ensign. But here I am, attempting to make up for lost time with a quick and dirty round up post.

Silent Enemy:
Archer and crew run into some jerk aliens whilst trying to get the phase cannons online. In the b-plot, Hoshi attempts to learn Reed's favorite food. This "calling Malcom's parents and almost accidentally scheduling a date with him" plot is the one I always remember. Maybe, in part, because of its total weirdness. Does Archer track down everyone's favorite food for their b-day? That seems really time consuming. So why only Reed? A few years ago, I worked at a place that always made a big deal out of EVERYONE's birthday. There was cake and there were chips and there was veggie pizza (which was essentially raw broccoli and ranch dressing on bread) and a card passed around and we all assembled in the staff room and sang the song. It was often my job to help with this business but whenever it rolled around to January (and my birthday) the manager decided we should have combined month birthdays. Watching this episode, I basically just put myself in Hoshi's shoes and thought, "I'm a comm officer and highly trained linguist at the top of my field, serving on the flag ship and first Warp 5 vessel of Starfleet and I've just spent the last three days calling a dude's ex-girlfriends and asking about what he likes to eat."

"I could've published seven linguistics papers in the time it
 took to get this cake for you so I super hope you appreciate it."

Dear Doctor:
Wherein Phlox and Archer have a conversation that basically goes,
Archer: These people asked for our help.
Phlox: But we shouldn't interfere with their 'natural development'.
Me: That's pretty condescending.
Archer: Someday, Starfleet will have some sort of... directive... some sort of prime directive that'll tell us how we should blindly act whenever we get into these situations.
Me: Yeah, you should probably ignore that too.
Basically this episode is why I didn't pursue cultural anthropology at the graduate level.

Sleeping Dogs:
Hoshi, Reed, and T'Pol are trapped on a Klingon ship as it sinks into a gas giant. I actually quite like this one but I did imagine, while watching, a scene wherein Hoshi blows up at Reed about how much crap she had do to for his birthday.

"Once again I'm saving the day. What even is your job here?"

Shadows of P'Jem:
Archer and T'Pol are captured by some hostiles. The Vulcans and Andorians get involved and before long everyone's pointing fingers and name calling and making threats. Naturally, I love this one. Anytime the Andorians show up, I'm on board. Archer and T'Pol have natural chemistry and Shran has a wonderful sort of anti-chemistry with everyone.

Shuttlepod One:
Remember how the early astronauts were, nearly to a man, test pilots? The astronauts in these early missions were trained to continue the mission and to try to save themselves until they either succeeded or died. Welp, when Tucker and Reed find themselves stranded in a shuttlepod and they believe Enterprise to have been destroyed, while Tucker goes about trying to figure out a solution Reed gets down to business moping and mooning into several personal letters to friends and family about his soon-to-be untimely death. Even less productively, he manages to have a dream wherein he's making out with T'Pol. Had I been Tucker, I likely would've jettisoned the bastard and kept the remaining oxygen for myself but I'm chaotic neutral and Tucker is, like those early astronauts, lawful good and that's not how things work out.

"I bet you don't even really like pineapple!" 

Truly, I don't mean to pick on Reed. All the Star Trek first seasons have problems and they all have characters who hang around like wet dishrags because they're a good character in theory but no one really knows what to do with them. Archer and Tucker are pretty nailed down in this first season and I think that's because, like I mentioned, these guys are pretty much modeled on the early space program. What kind of guy is Archer? He's Jim Lovell. What kind guy is Tucker? He's Pete Conrad. All the rest of these people are still really malleable. Even T'Pol who it seems was meant to be Enterprise's Spock (and therefore also its Data, Odo, Doctor/Seven) feels a little adrift. What do we do with T'Pol in this episode? Hmm. Let's put her in her underwear. Or maybe she could make out with a guy in his dream. Or maybe a Ferengi should grope her ears. Or maybe she could be attacked in her quarters after she told a guy to stop. My point is that the first season of Enterprise, like the first season of any Trek (and any show, really) is shaky. Even though you're using similar ingredients the recipe isn't coming out like you thought it would. And that's ok. You just have to keep tweaking it until you find the right blend. Just look at how much Next Gen's second season improved!

Generic Ensign's Vlog: Civilization, Fortunate Son, Cold Front

BAM! Bet you weren't expecting this! New Generic Ensign! Right here! Ready to go!

Generic Ensign's Log: ENT 3 from AshleyRose on Vimeo.

Generic Ensign ENT: Andorian Incident and Breaking the Ice

I ate a lot of pecan pie to make this post. A lot. I am not ok after that.

Generic Ensign's Log: ENT 2 from AshleyRose on Vimeo.

Sidenote- I realize that I have a "weird mouth" when I eat. It's a combination of my highly elastic skin and a strange Aspie thing where when I was a kid I was told not to eat with my mouth open and I took that to mean, "NEVER EVER OPEN YOUR MOUTH EXCEPT TO PUT NEW FOOD IN." So my whole life I got weird looks/giggles in school cafeterias and never understood why. Then one day when I was 33 I made a silly Star Trek Vlog and watched it and just laughed and laughed. (That day was today.)

Extra Side Note: (since I'm over here spilling my guts) I have a REALLY hard time with some food textures and gooey/gelatinous sweet stuff is one of them. I'm telling you right now that I sacrificed for this video. Sacrificed. Also I'm still on a bit of a sugar high, if you can't tell. From the rambling. I  hope you enjoyed this installment of Generic Ensign! In spite of my silly struggles, I really enjoy making them.

NEW Generic Ensign for 2017

BAM! I'm back, y'all!

I was SO sick over Christmas and then had SO much work to catch up on once I got back and seriously I haven't even taken the tree down yet. That's how behind I am. It's January 19th or some biz. Anyway, one of the things I hated getting behind on was this blog. I had big plans for the new year. I was going to suddenly pop up on January 1st in my new GE costume and be all like, "GUESS WHAT I'M WATCHING!!!!" But I didn't have time to work on said costume because of said flu. Whatever, I can do that even if it's January 19th because this is my blog and it's the fourth year of this blog and I make the rules (up as I go.) So, without further ado:

GUESS WHAT I'M WATCHING!!?!!? 

(Prepare yourself for five episodes covered in short order)

Generic Ensign's Log: ENT 1 from AshleyRose on Vimeo.

In case you didn't watch the video because you, like me, have an aversion to video posts (unless they're walkthroughs for video game stuff) and you can't even guess from the still up above--it's Enterprise! And, because there's comparatively so little of it, I'm hoping to either write or Vlog about each episode. I've seen Enterprise all the way through three times with a few outliers here and there having been watched a couple more times and I haven't seen it at all since my initial Year of Star Trek so I'm (if you can't tell) super excited. Here we (boldly) go!

What Are Little Girls Made Of? Exploring The Star Trek Bechdel Test #1

Alright so, just in case you're new to this series. I'm looking at the results of Trekkie Feminist's Star Trek Bechdel test and attempting to explore what it is that sets Voyager apart from the other series. This is the first post in that exploration.

I've been planning on writing a post about the terrible boyfriends of Trek for some time. After an entire year of Star Trek, I was a little overwhelmed and, for a while didn't have it in me to get to this post, but the idea kept popping into my head. Why is it that so many of the female-centric episodes of every Trek (except Voyager) involve a terrible boyfriend, potential boyfriend, or ex putting them in danger?

It's a problem that's been going on as far back as The Original Series. Aside from Kirk being everyone's ultimate bad boyfriend, we get an actual Bad Boyfriend episode and it's called: "What Are Little Girls Made Of?" In this one, Christine Chapel suddenly hears from her long-lost fiancé and goes down to the planet he's inhabiting along with Kirk.  Lots of naked crazyness ensues and Chapel realizes this dude is a total creep.

But does it pass the Bechdel Test? It would if Chapel/Andrea had talked about something besides dudes.

This episode sets a precedent that would be followed pretty extensively in TNG, then to a lesser extent in DS9, not so much in Voyager, and then brought back "Deanna Style" in ENT.

Now, that's not to say that dudes don't also get relationship episodes. In fact, on this very day, 48 years ago, McCoy realized he was dating a dangerous creep when she turned into a salt monster and tried to eat him. The issue here is that, when a guy in Starfleet gets a girlfriend, he isn't usually the one who's ultimately in peril. But, when a female officer dates a guy, he usually ends up being a cad and she's either put in danger of some kind or forced to act out of character.

So lets start with TNG and what I'm always going around the house ranting about as:

 Deanna's Terrible Boyfriends

1- Deanna's terrible secret fiance, Wyatt. Actually this guy isn't awful or dangerous. He's just some guy in a turtleneck who she was engaged to when she was a little girl. That's not weird. Nope.
2-Alien Entity. This also isn't that awful except that he KNOCKS HER UP without her permission. She ends up with a beautiful little boy who she loves and then has to give back to the universe. I mean, what even?
3- Devinoni Rai. This freaking guy. Am I right? Just a scumbag.

4- Jev, the telepath. Jev and Deanna basically flirt and then, when she leaves his company and goes to bed, he enters her mind without consent and, in her dream state, proceeds to force himself on her in the form of her actual on-again/off-again BF, Riker. She falls into a dangerous coma.

5- Aaron Conor. This guy isn't so bad. He's just dedicated to his perfect colony and doing his job and, in the end, he's as affected by this brief romance as Troi is. Troi clearly has a specific taste in boyfriends though, right?

6-Ves Alkar. Super creep. He basically hooks up with Troi and then starts sucking away her life force to power his own. Troi almost dies, again. She falls into a coma, again.

Alright and then there's Riker and Worf. (Just FYI: I really shipped Worf/Deanna back in the day but I thought Worf/Jadzia ultimately made a better pair.) She ends up with Riker and they finally get hitched and you'd think she'd be done with terrible boyfriends who physically/mentally/telepathically assault her. But, no. There's Star Trek: Nemesis so...

7- Shinzon. Ok, this isn't a boyfriend. It's a legit attack by a dangerous, hostile stranger and it's absolutely horrifying. The fact that Shinzon (as Ves Alkar did during the series) appears to her first as Riker, makes it even more disturbing. This is everything that's wrong with the Troi=Victim problem in Star Trek.

It's worth noting that Beverly also had a couple of ill-fated flings. She dated her grandma's creepy life-suck boyfriend. She got way into Riker when he took a Trill symbiont but then couldn't hang when a woman took the same symbiont. Ultimately, though, she was always into Picard above all others. And, let's face it, he's a pretty good catch.

Moving on.

In DS9, Jadzia Dax almost makes a couple of questionable, life-altering decisions because she goes all doe-eyed over a one-episode boyfriend/girlfriend. This happens in Meridian and Rejoined. In spite of the way this gets on my nerves, I still feel that Rejoined was a pretty progressive episode.

Kira has a one-episode fling with Thomas Riker wherein he hijacks the Defiant and then gets captured by Cardassians. She has a weird almost-flirtation/almost-combative relationship with Gul Dukat but she always stands her ground. Otherwise, her most icky relationship is with Vedek Bareil. Though, I have to admit, I think it's just me that's creeped out by this guy. Unless it's not. Is anyone else creeped out by him?

Also in DS9, they turn this trope around in the episode, "The Muse," wherein Jake gets all messed up by his creative-energy-sucking girlfriend.

 Onto Voyager:

Alright, Janeway is basically married to the ship and, thus, doesn't have much chance for human-style romance. She gives it a brief shot with Chakotay in "Resolutions" who, honestly, probably would've been an amazing abandoned planet husband. That guy made her a bathtub. She has a flirtation with Prince Humperdink of the Delta quadrant but, after a battle of wits, its Janeway who has the upper hand.

She also makes herself a holodeck boyfriend and, again, it's Janeway who holds all the power. She even feels guilty for altering him to better fit her own personality. Oh, and she also gets it on with Tom Paris when they're both Salamanders but I'm not sure that counts because, you know, reasons.

B'Elanna is pretty much in it to win it with Tom Paris the entire series. Though they have their ups and downs, their relationship is basically steady and they provide one another with a realistic, safe, deeply felt love.

Kes shows up with Neelix but she sort of calls it off between seasons. This isn't a bad thing. As much as I love Neelix, he was a Bad Boyfriend. He was jealous, over-bearing, over-protective, and patronizing toward Kes. Once they broke up, they both became better characters.
Later, she has a one-episode flirtation with a guy named Zahir but he actually turns out to be a decent guy--instead her BFF, The Doctor, tries to kill her. Does this count as a Bad Boyfriend episode? I'm not sure. I'm leaning toward yes.

Seven of Nine. Ok, so Seven of Nine has a couple of romantic interests during the show, including one which took place solely in Unimatrix Zero. Harry Kim and The Doctor both had feelings for her but the feelings weren't mutual and the friendships didn't turn into romance in either case. At one point, The Doctor inhabits her body and does some flirting but this doesn't go anywhere. In the end, she somehow ends up with Chakotay, which, I mean, if you love hand-built bathtubs, it seems like you're doing pretty well.

And, finally, Enterprise:
I'll be honest with you, I've been up since five o'clock this morning and I've already been working on this post for two hours somehow and I'm getting really exhausted. I mean, seriously, I just forgot how to go "back" on Firefox so I'll try to keep the rest of this short : 

Aside from T'Pol's main squeeze, Tucker, she has a brief encounter with a radical Vulcan. I'm not sure whether this counts as a boyfriend but it's definitely an "encounter" and this guy ends up violating her and leaving her with an (apparently) incurable (and tabooed) disease.

Hoshi has a whole Beauty & The Beast thing with this creep in a castle. Is there another one?

Anyway, both of these episodes feel like they could've just been re-written with Deanna Troi's name all over them following this simple pattern:

 Here is an intelligent, capable officer of Starfleet who just happens to be female. She hooks up with a guy or flirts with a guy or just happens to be in the same quadrant of space with a guy and he ends up endangering her in some way and her plight becomes the focus of the episode. The plot revolves around this woman being a victim.

Aside from the whole Kes/Neelix weird relationship, which they got rid of pretty quickly, Voyager didn't seem to have these episodes. (And please correct me if you think of one or more Bad Boyfriend episodes) There were stories wherein B'Elanna, Seven, or Janeway were in danger but it wasn't typically because of a bad, one-episode relationship. And, moreover, most of the plots of Voyager's female-character-driven episodes weren't based on the old "woman in peril" device. It's like the difference in a knight and a damsel. The knight rides knowingly into danger to achieve some greater goal. The damsel screams her beautiful lungs out until someone rescues her.

In Voyager, the women are knights. Deanna Troi is a damsel in distress and usually her peril is at the hands of a man and, often, at the hands of a man she is romantically involved with.

Unfortunately, at least until Deanna Troi takes the Bridge Officer Test and gets a new suit of clothes, most of the Deanna-sodes were about her being a victim. Not about her figuring something out. Not about her solving the problem or working alongside her crewmembers to save someone else. They featured her in tears, in danger, or in a coma. And that's a pity. Eventually, they endowed her with more ability and responsibility but go back to that old, awful stand-by of the mind-rape in Star Trek: Nemesis.

So, I'm not entirely sure why they went in such a different direction with the female-led episodes in Voyager. Was it that having a female captain lead to different story lines? Was it part of the zeitgeist? Was it just a steady progression from TNG to DS9 to Voyager wherein everyone involved grew steadily more conscious of the role of women in their show? Were people asking the question, "What are little girls made of?" and getting new answers?

I'm not sure. I'll keep thinking about it.

But not right now. Right now I'm going to get some sleep.

One Year Ago: Starting Voyager

Valentines

I've never been into the Hallmark Holidays. I don't like buying cards. I don't like watching flowers die. I don't like going out to dinner around a lot of other people. But one year, completely by accident, Scott and I celebrated Valentine's Day. It was mid-February around six or seven years ago and we found ourselves at an Indian buffet the day after Valentine's. The only people there were a couple who looked like they'd gone to bed but maybe not to sleep and, thus, Valentine's was still in effect for them. As we ate our chicken tikka and palak paneer in peace, we realized that this was the best time to celebrate the romance between two complete hermits. No one is out. Candy and potted plants are half-price. It's amazing.

So today is my Valentine's Day post. I figured, after a year of following every single Star Trek relationship, I'd write about the best ones.

1- Christine Chapel and Spock:
This one is completely unrequited and, thus, pretty depressing. Still, it's the only ongoing almot-love-affair in The Original Series. Kirk's trysts nearly always lead to <ahem> death. They don't count. I'm tempted to count the Kirk/Spock pseudo-love affair that people have been putting in fan-fiction since the 60's but Kirk has a different true love and I'll get to that later.

2- Troi and Worf:
Yes, Deanna and Riker were imzadis but I always loved the too-little-too-late Troi/Worf relationship. These two were just sexy together.

3- Rom and Leeta:
Yeah, I know I should probably put Jadzia and Worf together and I really did love those two as a couple but the way Jadzia died and the fact that Worf never really got to avenge her in a satisfying way always put a bitter taste in my mouth about them. Rom and Leeta, on the other hand, were amazing. From the moment they got together I was cheering them on and I love that they didn't have some ridiculous tragic end. They were steadfast, true, and supportive.

4- Tom and B'Elanna:
In a franchise that always shied away from any kind of serialization, I love the way the Paris/B'Elanna relationship was allowed to evolve over time. These two complement each other perfectly.

5- Reed and Hayes:
I've already written about how these two could have had the best relationship in all of Trek so I won't go into all that again but I totally ship Reed/Hayes. Their almost-relationship had more depth than most Trek pairings and, if viewed from the point of view that they were a couple, their parting is legitimately heart breaking.

6- Every captain and their ship:
In spite of how much I may love Kirk/Edith Keeler, Picard/Guinan (yes, I prefer this to Picard/Beverly; there's just something about these two), Sisko/Kasidy, Janeway/that Devore inspector guy who always reminds me of Prince Humperdink, and Archer/Captain Hernandez, it's obvious that the real love of these captains' lives is their ship.

As Kirk tells McCoy when the doc asks his captain about a possible interest in Yeoman Rand, Kirk answers, "I've already got one female to worry about. Her name's the Enterprise."




A Year Ago Today: I started Next Gen

Enterprise: Season Four Essentials

Wow. Talk about the home stretch. I honestly can't believe it's already time for my very last Season Essentials post. When I first conceived of this Essentials idea, back in January, I sort of imagined what it might be like to write the last one. I knew it'd be December and I knew it'd be Enterprise.

 I didn't know that I'd move. Twice. I didn't know I'd meet LeVar Burton or spend a week with Jonathan Frakes. I didn't know I'd spend a week in Vancouver while my husband's writing career took off or get an email from a publisher informing me that mine was about to. I didn't know I'd fall so in love with this project or with you--the person who comes here every day to see what I've been up to. It's been quite a year and I'm so incredibly honored that you're here with me.

Now for my last Essentials post. This one's a little bit different.

1- The Forge/ Awakening/ Kir'Shara
Have the jerk Vulcans been bugging you this whole time? Do you wonder what happened to make them (slightly) less pissy between Archer's time and Kirk's? All of your questions are answered here. Additionally, Soval will most likely suddenly become one of your favorite characters.
Stand Out Line:
So I'm suffering from... a mind-meld hangover? 

2- Babel One/ United/ The Aenar
The Romulans, in typical Romulan form, are trying to start a war between the Andorians, Tellarites, and humans. This is is how that plan backfires.
Stand Out Line: As far as I know there are no species in the galaxy that have mastered the art of mixing romance and vocation. This is one ailment that is universally unbeatable; you'll have to suffer through it.

3- Affliction/ Divergence
The story of how the Klingons lost their head turtles. Not to be missed.
Stand Out Line: When I asked you to bring me a subject for dissection, I assumed he would already be dead.

4- In A Mirror Darkly Parts 1 & 2
We get one last glimpse through the looking glass with this two-parter. It's crammed full of Star Trek references and homages and just about every part of it is perfectly done.
Stand Out Line: Will you kindly die? 

5- Demons/ Terra Prime
Alright, you'll notice that I haven't written about the Enterprise series finale prior to this post. That's because, like a lot of people who loved this show, I don't feel that the episode did the series justice. Instead, this last arc gracefully ties up a lot of what we care about in terms of long-term story lines. Each character has something meaningful to do and the Tripp/T'Pol relationship arc is given a beautiful, true moment. Archer's speech at the end is a heartfelt very, very Trek.
I advise you to simply stop here.
Stand Out Line: This is the thirty-second planet I've set foot on! 

Runners Up:

Borderland/ Cold Station 12/ The Augments
This is the Augment arc. If you want to see Data romp around with some Khan-esque jerks, you'll get plenty of that here.

Stormfront Parts 1 & 2
Space Nazis and Star Trek and mobsters have had a long history. This one joins all three for a layer cake of Trek tropes that totally works.

Alright, I know, I know. I've pretty much stayed the course with five essentials and two runners up but I just couldn't this time. The mini-arcs in season four of Enterprise are too intertwined AND too good to miss. So just... watch them all. If you're REALLY hard up, watch the Mirror episodes and the Demons/Terra Prime arc. They're lovely.

That's it. That's my last Essentials list. I hope you've enjoy them. I hope they've helped. I know I've loved creating these posts for you. I'll miss it.

Enterprise: In A Mirror, Darkly

So, once upon a time, Kirk, Bones, Scotty and Uhura moseyed over to a universe that was not our own and set off a fan-favorite phenomenon that melted into pop culture in the form of goatee-wearing versions of all our most loved TV friends. We didn't see the other side again until DS9. They were practically in love with the mirror universe and Sisko made more trips over there than anybody. It disappeared again during only to be resurrected at the very end of Enterprise's run. And man, what a resurrection it is.

In a Mirror, Darkly is an astounding mix of tropes from The Original Series all viewed through the other side of the looking glass. It's as if the writers/producers had a check list of all the stuff from TOS they hadn't got around to doing and just did it.

The episode is a prequel to Mirror, Mirror but a sequel to The Tholian Web. Thanks to the crew having worn their EV suits over to the Defiant, they all get change into the absolutely fabulous TOS-era uniforms. The old style phasers have a glorious kill setting that straight-up dissolves a guy. There's a dead red shirt on the bridge (exactly where he was in Tholian Web--a nice touch.) Everyone's drinking Romulan Ale and eating Play Dough cubes. Soval has a goatee.

And, oh yeah, a GORN shows up.

Not to mention the totally bitchin' opening sequence:

This is an absolutely beautiful, amazing two-parter. It's chock full of lines and bits that refer to The Original Series and beyond. It is more than worth the watch. It's essential. And, it is the very last romp for My Year Of Star Trek. 

Sadly, it was in the shooting of this episode that Enterprise was officially cancelled. At the time that most of this stuff was being filmed, they were still hoping for more. I was still hoping for more. During this viewing, after being reminded of what wonderful, creative things this show was capable of, it just depresses me that Enterprise didn't get a better shot. 

A Love Note To A Theme Song

There are few things more maligned in Star Trek than the Enterprise theme song. Written by Diane Warren and performed by Russell Watson, Faith of the Heart is a complete break from the traditional, sweeping, orchestral themes used in modern Trek. People (and by people I mean Star Trek fans) hated the theme. They hated it. They wrote letters to UPN trying to get it removed. They wailed and flailed all over the internet about how it's "not Star Trek" saying, "We wish to express our unmitigated disgust with the theme song that has been selected for the new 'Enterprise' series, it is not fit to be scraped off the bottom of a Klingon's boot." Simon Pegg even went into full-on Angry Fanboy Mode and condemned the song saying that it's the reason he never even tried Enterprise--which is a shame. And, even my dear old dad calls it "that graduation song."

But, here's the thing. I loved it.

Do I like the song itself? Have I ever listened to it in my car or on my ipod? Nope. It's really not my kind of thing. I don't get into soft rock ballads with overly sweet lyrics. But I don't think this revelation really means much. I don't blast the TOS, TNG, DS9, or Voyager themes while I'm running or driving or writing either. And, I like/love all the other Star Trek openings.

I love the Enterprise opening. I loved it from the start. I think I liked the departure from previous Trek. I think that, once we got to the end of Voyager, Star Trek had already kind of run its course in terms of plot and gimmicks and ideas and I think one more orchestral score while we looked at planets and exteriors of the ship would've just been more of the same. We needed something new for a new kind of show.

It helps that I'm a space history fan. I can look at still pictures of Amelia Earhart, astronauts in Snoopy hats and Chuck Yeager in front of Glamorous Glennis and get all misty-eyed. But it's not the imagery alone that gets me. I like the sentiment of the song. I know it's kind of cheesy and obvious but it's also sincere and I've talked a lot here about how much sincerity means to me.

My dad is right. It is a graduation song. It's about a time in Star Trek history when everyone was wide-eyed and excited about a universe they couldn't begin to understand while everyone older and wiser regarded them with disdain and doubt. It's about a bunch of relative kids heading out with zero cynicism and being greeted with nothing but. It's about believing that you're standing on the threshold of a brighter future. That's Enterprise. That's why I love the opening and that's why I love the show.

The Thing About Foreheads Is...

So, a long time ago, Klingons looked like this:

This is Kor--pretty much my favorite Klingon

Then, The Animated Series came along and the Klingons all started wearing lovely pink outfits but otherwise looked the same:

Then, The Motion Picture happened and all the freaking sudden, the bastards looked like this:

Incidentally, this Klingon is played by my BFF, Mark Lenard

They looked pretty much this way until you get to the lolli-pop-headed Worf in TNG. Luckily, as the seasons went on, he got a freaking gorgeous head of hair and basically solidified the way Klingons looked for the rest of Star Trek.

No matter what the hairstyle though, Klingons were the most conspicuous baddies in The Original Series but from the time Mark Lenard put a giant turtle on his head that was the universal Klingon look. Turtle head = Klingon.

For literally decades, it was something that the Star Trek franchise and fandom glossed over. We all knew the reason behind the change was budgetary as well as technology. The makeup became better and Star Trek got a little more money and, consequently, Klingons would forever look more menacing and less like some regular guys with bubble wrap belts slung over their shoulders.

And then Trials and Tribble-ations happened. The DS9 crew went back in time to the events in Trouble With Tribbles and Worf was asked about the completely flat foreheads of his TOS-era brethren. His answer, "A viral mutation... We do not discuss it with outsiders."

So, then came Enterprise. They said, "You know, we're about to get cancelled and we love tying together all kinds of stuff from the Treks that came before/later. Let's explain this whole Klingon Turtle Head thing."

And they do. It's yet another mini-arc (only two episodes) all about how the Klingons went from having turtle heads to not having turtle heads to getting their turtle heads back. Some people like the Enterprise explanation, some people hate it. I love it. I love Phlox' involvement in it. I love the way all these events play out and the Klingon connection to (what's probably Star Trek's best villain) Khan. I was always content with just sort of imagination retconning ridges onto the TOS-era Klingons. I never needed an additional explanation. However, now that I have one, I love it. And I'm glad I got to see my Enterprise friends do the explaining.

Enterprise: Those Romulan Jerks

I've already gone into how much (and why) I love the mini-arcs that comprise season four of Enterprise and the Romulans Are Jerks arc is no different.

Right from the start, this one has a lot going for it. The arc follows a Romulan plot to spread dissent among pretty much all the folks who live within a warp-speed-stone's-throw from Earth but, in Starfleet fashion, Archer takes their plans in the exact opposite direction. One of my very favorite TOS episodes is Journey to Babel and Enterprise's salute to that one--Babel One--does a nice job of introducing the promise of peace and a history of unrest between the Andorians and Tellartites. Shran is awesome, his girlfriend is kick ass. The Tellarites are appropriately rude. Archer has finally come into his own as a diplomatic yet tough Starfleet captain.

The way this story, these cultures, these characters come together is well-constructed and satisfying. Shran's arc alone is captivating and the way he plays his part of this story is sincere and heartbreaking. The Romulans (who I've always inexplicably loved) are great and devious and totally just as bent on universe domination as they are later to come (though maybe not as good at it yet.) This arc fits beautifully into the rest of Enterprise and the rest of Trek and totally deserves a watch.

Enterprise: The Vulcan Reformation Arc

Again, I LOVE these mini-arcs. Tonight I watched the whole Vulcan Reformation arc in one sitting and it was pretty awesome.

The Vulcan embassy on Earth is bombed and a splinter sect of Vulcans are apparently to blame. Archer and T'Pol head to the Vulcan desert (which is pretty much the whole planet) to track them down and, while they're wandering around some craziness happens and Archer gets Surak's (yes the Surak) katra lodged in his brain pan. Meanwhile, Trip's been left in charge of the Enterprise while Archer's away and he has to deal with a whole mess of conspiracy, the Vulcan ambassador, Soval, and some pissed off Andorians.

I really love this whole series of episodes. It perfectly sets up the change in Vulcan attitudes that happens between Archer's time and Kirk's.  It gives us more insight into Vulcan history, religion, and the practices that we're all so familiar with--the mindmeld isn't so uncommon among these renegade, desert dwellers--and we get a good look at a planet that's always talked about but rarely visited. Additionally, we get a nod to stuff/people that we know well from the previous series. T'Pau is a more fleshed-out character, Surak is more than just a religious figurehead, the terms "katra" and "idic" are brought back and explained with more depth.

And, of course, it's an Archer/T'Pol BFF fieldtrip episode and I always love those. This whole thing only takes three episodes but it's full to the gills of clever lines, surprising character moves, and interesting nods to the rest of Trek.

Enterprise: Space Jerks and Augments (who are also Space Jerks)

Here's a reason that I really like Season Four of Enterprise: Mini-Arcs. I love mini arcs within TV shows. You get the best of both worlds. A little bit serialized, a little bit episodic. You can have a story line that lasts more than forty-five minutes but, if you don't like it, it's over in about three or four episodes.

The first mini-arc is all about some evil Space Nazis from the future. It's only two episodes long but it's got some pretty powerful imagery, our TV friends in period costumes, some cool ideas (like some Brooklyn gangsters giving these Nazis the what-for) and a great character in the tough, smart Alecia Travers:

also--she's gorgeous

The second arc is all about Jerk Doctor Soong trying to re-start the Eugenics revolution. He's been in prison for several years while his Jerk Augment Kids have grown up all by themselves.

which is apparently why they have no idea how to sew up their outfits

This mini-arc winks at a lot of my favorite Star Trek stuff that harkens all the way back to Space Seed. Archer even quotes (pre-quotes?) Spock in saying that "superior ability breeds superior ambition" and people talk an awful lot about Botany Bay. We also get mentions of the Soong family's future in cybernetics and that leads, obviously, to Data. 

Anyway, I watched this entire arc in one night while eating oven-made s'mores so it was pretty awesome. 

Enterprise: Season Three Essentials

And so it was that UPN came down from the heavens and demanded that Enterprise be more serialized and more exciting and more explosioney. Thus then did the staff go forth and fill Season Three with all the hand-wringing, shouting, and darker plot threads that seemed to work so well for DS9.

What I've listed here are the absolutely essential episodes of this season though, because it's so serialized, you're still going to be missing some of the through-line. When I first watched season three, I was really disconcerted about the direction the show had taken. Watching it this time, I don't find so much fault in it. I still don't like Dark Archer or the rest of chronically brooding characters and I desperately miss the sense of exploration and wide-eyed wonder we got in the first two seasons. I suppose I'll write more about this in an Enterprise Sum-Up later on  in a couple days so for now, here are my Essential Episodes for Season Three:

1-Anomaly:
After experiencing their first run-in with the dangerous anomalies of the Delphic Expanse, some serious jerks board Enterprise and Archer goes all Adama on the one jerk they managed to capture. This leads the crew to a ginormous, mysterious sphere.

2-The Shipment:
Archer tracks a component of the Xindi weapon to the Arborial Xindi colony that's producing it only to find that things aren't as he expected. Additionally, this episode has some interesting Xindi history, a new lemur friend for Archer, and we get to learn all about the lost Avian Xindi sub-species.

3- The Council:
Archer's decided to stop being such a brooding bastard and try to make peace with the Xindi. He appeals to their council (with the very competent Hoshi at his side) and things start looking up. But some people are just determined to be complete wads. (I'm looking at you, ya lizard jerks)

4- Countdown:
While T'Pol and Tucker try to dismantle one of the spheres, Archer makes a plea with the Aquatics to help him go after the stolen Xindi weapon. You get some really cool Aquatic alien stuff as well. Their ships are basically flying fish tanks.

5- Zero Hour:
The season finale. Nuff said.

Runners Up:
Honestly, these aren't really runners up. They're my favorite episodes of the season but you don't HAVE to watch them to get the story. They're just good episodes.

Twilight:
This is the "one time this amazing, tragic thing happened in another timeline" episode of Enterprise. Archer's brain gets infected by some anomaly parasites. That means he can't remember anything past a few hours and he and T'pol end up chilling together for thirty years while humanity is destroyed. It gets me right in the feels. Every time.

North Star:
Starfleet crews have been visiting Old West Space Towns since forever but this one is a nice take on it. Some aliens (who are totally not the aliens from Stargate) picked up some humans from earth way back when and used them for slave labor (again--totally not Stargate). By the time Enterprise catches up with them, the humans have rebelled and it's the alien species who are being mistreated and oppressed. It's an interesting take on an old idea. Bonus points for :
Aaron Pierce (Glenn Morshower) showing up as a cantankerous, tough Old West sheriff.
&
Everyone getting dressed up like they belong there.
&
This:

I Ship It: Reed & Hayes

When I watched Star Trek: Enterprise the first time around, I felt like there was something missing--something not quite true--about Malcolm Reed. For whatever reason, as I watched, I thought, "This should be a gay character."

I wasn't alone. As I found out later, Malcolm Reed was originally intended to be a gay character who would've been outed sometime in the first season. Someone (UPN?) decided that wasn't a good idea and they ended up making Reed a weird, sort of lady's man with twenty-four ex-girlfriends who was simultaneously, inexplicably shy around women. But, I just feel like that's a missed opportunity. How many lady's men with twenty-four ex-girlfriends have there been? Four, actually. Four main characters have been lady-killers with a line of exes behind them and lots and lots of one-episode stands that all ended badly.

So, if that's just a Trek trope, why am I so worked up about Malcolm being gay? Well, because it's this show. In this time. That's what this culture needed. And that's what Star Trek does. Trek is a show that breaks barriers and does firsts. It's a show that courageously leads people to better cultural understanding and maturely holds their hand all the while entertaining with high concept story-lines.

As I watched Seasons One and Two, I felt over and over again what a missed opportunity they'd had with Malcolm. But, in Season Three, my feelings became even stronger. Especially when Major Hayes showed up.

Oh, yes. 

Now allow me to tell you the amazing love story that could have been (and basically was):

Right from the get-go, Hayes and Reed are at each other's throats (though not literally--that would've been dreamy) over who should have control over Enterprise's tactical operations. They argue for a full twenty-three episodes over territory and personnel and training exercises. Their relationship has all the makings of cinematic romance. In fact, it almost perfectly mirrors that of T'Pol and Tucker's romantic relationship. Arguments. Denial. Bitching to their friends about each other. Until, finally, they passionately come together.

In fact, in the episode, Harbinger, T'Pol and Tucker spend the whole time arguing and sniping at each other until they finally, passionately crash into each other--kissing all naked-like. It's a big moment. You know it's been a long time coming but it's still a big deal when it happens so it's satisfying. Meanwhile, Reed and Hayes spend their half of the episode arguing and sniping at each other until they finally, passionately crash into each other--throwing punches until they both look like this:

How much more surprising, satisfying, and Star Trek would it have been if, once they started fighting, Reed and Hayes fell into the same kind of romantic embrace that T'Pol and Tucker were afforded? It could have been the beginning of an important Star Trek first. 

And, this would've been the end: 

Only a few episodes later, Hayes is mortally wounded and (surprise, surprise) it's Malcolm Reed who comes to his deathbed. This scene is already touching because of their antagonistic past and their ability to reconcile here but it could've been amazing had they had a deeper relationship--had they been the first LGBT Star Trek couple. 

I'm apparently not the first person to think this. When searching for pictures of these two I came across A LOT of Reed/Hayes fan fiction and quite a lot of it (like the Kirk/Spock fanfic of yesteryear) is NC-17. People have made delightful romantic videos about these two and posted romantic fan-art on DeviantArt. 

But, Star Trek, why leave it up to the adoring public? Why, for that matter, leave it up to people like Joss Whedon and Russell T. Davis? I'm SO glad those other things exist but you are the one who's supposed to be pushing buttons and boundaries--going where no TV show has dared to go before. You were fearlessly running episodes that blatantly opposed the oppression of minorities during the most heated years of America's Civil Rights movement. You featured American TV's first interracial kiss. You influenced generations of people to be braver, wiser, kinder and more courageous about standing up for the persecuted. 

So...what happened? 

Why have you never featured an openly gay main character? 

What happened to your original, bold nature? 

Playing Pretend

So, here's something I love about Jonathan Archer: Dude LOVES to play pretend. I mean, I also love his sense of exploration, his loyalty, his sense of duty, his chronic shirtlessness etc. But, this guy, I mean, seriously. Give this guy half a chance to pretend to be some other guy and he'll be out the door with a wig and some face paint in five minutes flat.

He pretended to be from "uh... pretty far away from here..." to cozy up to a brilliant alchemist in Civilization. He pretended to be a total jerk who was willing to sell off Tucker's "wife" to some Ferengis in Acquisition. In The Communicator, he pretends to be a genetically enhanced enemy spy. He pretends to be a smuggler when arrested and then gets caught up in a hijacking in Canamar. And he gets really into all these mini-roles. You can tell Archer enjoys this stuff tremendously too.

You'd think all this pretending would come to an end in the Delphic Expanse but no. He actually gets to live out every kid's dream and play cowboy in a real life cowboy town in North Star.

One of his best performances comes in Stratagem when he puts on his trusty wig and hangs out for like a week with Degra in a shuttle--all the while convincing him that they've been BFF prison mates for the last three years and Degra just can't remember because of some super gross blood worms.

Basically, I think every time the NX-01 comes up on some aliens, Jonathan's already stroking his epic chin and dreaming up his backstory thinking, "What beard should I play it in?" But, I supposed if I'd stepped into the Quantum Leap accelerator--and vanished only to awaken to find myself trapped in the past, facing mirror images that were not my own, and being driven by an unknown force to change history for the better--I wouldn't want to give that up either.

Can I just leap backward and watch this show over and over?
Yes.
Thank you, Netflix.

Enterprise: Season Two Essentials

Yep. Season two is over already! Crazy, right? I love this season so it was a hard call but here are my essentials:

1- Carbon Creek:
In this one, T'Pol's memaw gets stuck on 1950's Earth in a podunk coal-mining town in Pennsylvania. Being, as I am, from a small town in the Appalachian mountains, I've always had a fondness for this one. It's kind of like October Sky meets Star Trek and I'm happy about that. I love this era in Space history--right after Sputnik but right before Kennedy's historic moon speech--and I love the simple sweetness of this story.

2- Singularity:
This one takes Trek's obsession with obsession to an obsessive new level. When the crew nears a black hole, they're affected by the radiation and wig out over whatever trivial bit of business (like fixing a chair or perfecting a recipe) they happen to be working on at the time. Singularity also showcases the Archer/T'Pol friendship in a nice way.

3- Cease Fire:
Vulcans vs. Andorians and Archer's in the middle of it.
Bonus Points for featuring Suzie Plakson

4- Judgement:
Archer winds up in the Klingon high court. This one is great for showing the Klingons at a transition period in their culture. They weren't always the marauding jackwagons we see in TOS or the battle-mongering (don't get me wrong--I LOVE them) warriors we see from TNG on. Sometimes they were lawyers--really great lawyers.
Bonus Points for featuring JG Hertzler (Martok)

5- The Expanse/The Xindi:
Here's where it all falls apart (literally) for Florida and Earth in general. You're not going to get Season Three without watching this one.

Runners Up:

Stigma:
The HIV/AIDs parable seems like something that belongs more in TNG but I really enjoy this one thanks to the other stigma they light-handedly feature: open marriages.

First Flight:
Ever wonder about Archer/Trip's BFF origin story? Here it is.

Dead Stop:
Crazy town space station in the middle of nowhere that can make pan-fried catfish and fix your ship for next to nothing? Count me in. This is one of the more original-to-Enterprise episodes.

Enterprise Episodes Lately

I've been watching a whole, whole lot of Season Two but haven't had much of a chance to write about it. So, here are my thoughts on some things I've seen lately:

A Night In Sickbay:
A whole lot of people hate this episode. I don't. Aside from the fact that I totally get why, when your life is already ridiculous and full of pressure, your dog getting gravely ill (because of some dude not paying attention) might push you over the edge.
I think this is a great character episode--not just for Archer-- but for Phlox too. I love seeing him on a typical night. I think this one provides us with some perspective on this guy any why he's not Neelix, why he's not Quark, why he's his own character. He's commanding, empathetic, intelligent, and he sticks to his guns in a way that's surprising.

The Seventh:
This is a story in the classic, "Hypothetical Moral Ambiguity" trope. T'Pol, in her past, spent some time tracking down some renegade Vulcans and maybe she made some mistakes. The jerk she's sent to apprehend makes her question her choices and her own ethical code.
The Seventh is an example of the kind of stock, regular episodes that Star Trek has always done well. I love seeing T'Pol's inner turmoil and her relationship with Archer develop.

The Crossing:
Well, this one's super weird. It's kind of the Enterprise Body Snatching equivalent of TOS' Operation Annihilate or maybe Turnabout Intruder or perhaps Next Gen's Masks or maybe DS9's The Reckoning or Voyager's Cathexis. You get the idea. I sort of feel like, by the time you get to the 24th century possession of one's body by weirdo aliens is kind of run-of-the-mill.
"Oh, man. I ran into some aliens last night and they possessed me." Riker might say.
"Sell it up the street. That happened to me literally last week." Deanna would respond.
Anyway, Archer's crew are freaked the fuck out by this business. They're all, "Holy cow I was just eating pan fried catfish with Geronimo on the other side of space-time while an alien was IN MY BODY sitting here in the mess hall eating jello! What is happening?!??!"

Cogenitor:
Oh man, Trip. This is just... I know. I get it. I would teach that poor cogenitor to read too. But man, this kind of thing--getting involved in stuff you don't really understand--just NEVER. TURNS. OUT. WELL.

Enterprise: Season One Essentials

I can't believe I'm already doing the first Essentials post of the last series. Because I'm now watching at such a fast clip, I actually finished season 1 a couple of days ago and now I'm into season two. It's actually been pretty helpful to take a little time to let it digest but I know I can't keep doing that. Otherwise I'll be writing the Season Four essentials in January!

Anyway, here are my Essential Episodes from Enterprise Season One:

1-Broken Bow (Parts 1 and 2)
This is where it all starts. Though I'm not in love with this pilot, I think there's a lot of stuff to like here. Plus, they do a good job of telling us where all these characters came from, why they're important to the show, etc. The Enterprise crew is greener and more unsure of themselves than any other Trek crew so I think it's important that we understand why they each came aboard.

2-The Andorian Incident
Andorians! I love the Andorians and Shran in particular. This is a great "Vulcans Are Jerks" episode and the Archer/T'Pol solution to what's really going on a P'Jem is surprising and interesting.

3-Dear Doctor
I get that this is a controversial episode. I don't even agree with what happens here. And, after reading about the originally intended ending, I think it could've been better. Still, this is a great, character-driven Phlox episode and it gives us one of the first "We need a Prime Directive" conversations.

4-Shadows of P'Jem
 Tensions are rising between the Andorians and the Vulcans and when Archer and T'Pol are kidnapped by some third party asshats, Shran surprisingly steps in to help Trip and Malcolm save the day. This one's full of intrigue, phaser blasts, and some great T'Pol/Archer stuff as they start their journey toward BFF-ness.

5-Shockwave (Parts 1 and 2)
The season finale. An Enterprise shuttlepod is (apparently) responsible for the destruction of an entire colony and all its inhabitants. The Vulcans make their case (again) that humans aren't ready for space exploration and threaten to shut down the X-Files. They're recalling Enterprise and her crew. The way everyone comes together with an absent Archer's help is great.


Runners Up:

6-Acquisition-
A Ferengi Romp!

7-Two Days and Two Nights-
I don't care how many people tout the calming effects of a vacation on Risa. From what I've seen, pretty much nothing good ever happens there. Still, this one's worth watching just to see someone's else's vacation get ruined.

Pan Fried Catfish

There's a lot of food in Star Trek. From the weird play dough cubes they ate on TOS to the round, purple birthday cakes everyone got on Voyager, it's obvious that zipping through space gives a body an appetite. Each series has some distinct culinary options but I can't really think about Enterprise (or Trip Tucker) without thinking about pan fried catfish. Scotty had scotch. Troi had chocolate. Kira had raktajino. Southern born and bred Trip Tucker has pan fried catfish. He's way into it. His mom makes it. A creepy-as-hell automated space station makes it. And, because I'm also southern born and bred, I make it.

In fact, in celebration of Enterprise, I made it today:

And then I sat down to eat in in front of the TV where I watched four more episodes of Enterprise because I'm down to the wire.