Generic Ensign's Vlog: Voyager 4

Ok, well, it's been an adventure. Turns out my green screen wasn't bright enough or green enough so when I shot the first version of the next video it was a total mess. I mean, yes, some of the charm of Generic Ensign is that it's kind of low-rent but this was... over the edge.

So I re-shot it. And, ok, good. Great. It looked way better. But, then I ended up not being ok with one of the logs. Not the video, but the premise behind it so... I took a while to think about it and re-cut with another clip I'd meant to use later and anyway, now there's finally a 4th Installment of Generic Ensign's Voyager journey for you!

And... you get the premier of my Voyager Jacket. Hooray! You'll notice here that the jacket looks a little more blue than peacock/teal and that's because, while my new green screen (a huge piece of lime fleece) works brilliantly, the program I use, as a side-effect of eliminating green, sucks out a fair portion of the greenish hue from the jacket top. So, yeah, it looks a little more blue than it maybe should but, seriously, you should (not) have seen the first version.

Making My Voyager Jacket

First off, you should go check out this lovely review post about my latest book, Lona Chang: A Superhero Detective Novel, from fellow MYoST reader/watcher Jordan. SO NICE!

Second off, my hands are not nearly as bad as they used to be but typing still puts a lot of stress on them. That's why it's been almost exclusively Generic Ensign Vlogs this year. But, the great news is, I'm really enjoying doing them! And, because I enjoy it so much, I decided to step up my costume game for the Voyager GE series. The only thing is... you really can't get a decent  any Science Division jacket/uniform anywhere. So, I reasoned, I had to make one.

For that, I turned to Etsy and quickly found Bad Wolf Costumes and their amazing selection of cosplay patterns. They've put SO MUCH work into making patterns that will help the (mostly experienced) costumer create a gorgeous and screen accurate piece.

But, I'm not a mostly experienced costumer. I don't own a sewing machine. I've never cut out a single pattern. I can barely run an iron. On the other hand, what I do have is the kind of gung-ho enthusiasm and naive optimism that makes me think I can learn to do anything I want. While this mentality has led to several catastrophic failures in my life, I've had just enough spectacular triumphs to not change how I do things.

I asked for a sewing machine for my birthday, ordered the pattern, laid in the course and set out (as usual) at warp nine.

At the end of January I found myself wandering around JoAnn's sending my mother (an actual highly experienced seamstress) questions like, "Where the hell is the muslin... what even is this? Is it like linen?" "What is interfacing?" "If you were supposed to make a costume out of wool gabardine and couldn't find any what would you use?"

In the end I managed to come home with a decent amount of fabric but I was sick and busy and didn't get around to actually starting on the costume until mid-March. When I did finally get into the package and the giant pattern paper exploded on the floor, I confess I spent about an hour on Ebay looking at Chinese cosplay stores that sell custom Voyager jackets (though they only offered Command and Operations, no Sciences.)

But, with an equal mix of enthusiasm and hand-wringing, I persevered.

The pattern pieces went up to Q! 

After several hours I finally cut out the pattern pieces (wrong on two pieces) and fabric (also wrong on two pieces of regular fabric plus two pieces of lining) and commenced to figuring out how to operate a sewing machine and what seam allowances were. The pattern STRONGLY SUGGESTED I make at least one muslin prototype but honestly, with my hands the way they are, I can't operate scissors for hours on end for a muslin jacket. I was confident that I MIGHT be able to make a Voyager Jacket such that I needed it (for my videos you really only see the front of my head and shoulders so I reasoned that if I could JUST get that mostly right, I'd be ok.) 

Sewing proceeded apace for three days. I spent an entire weekend under a mountain of discarded thread, fabric scraps, and strong swear words. 

This pin cushion was the first thing I sewed...
because I didn't realize how much I'd need a
pin-cushion when I began this crazy endeavor. 

Eventually, sometime late at night (on the second day), I had completed the shell for the jacket but it was still crazy looking, frayed, and bottomless: 

All Star Trek uniform pants should actually be Fair Isle leggings. 

I kept working my way through the VERY thorough (seriously amazing, well-researched and painstakingly put-together) Assembly Instruction PDF that came with my pattern. Until, finally, on the fourth day, I emerged from my sewing cave, triumphant. I went outside, stood in the reliably beautiful California sunset and took selfies:

Thrusters on full! 

OK. Is it perfect? No. Is it still the best Star Trek costume piece I've ever had? Without question. 

I'm really proud of this jacket, even if it is a little janky and rough around the edges... and partly because of that. Part of the enjoyment and charm of Generic Ensign, for me, has always been that it's a low-rent labor of love. Everything in Generic Ensign comes from me, all my feelings about the show, all my silliness, all my hard work. I just put it out there and think, "Well, maybe someone else will enjoy this as much as I do." 

I don't plan on ever wearing this to a convention because I don't ever plan on going to a convention so I'm not really worried that it's not exactly straight in places or that some of the wrong color thread shows through. To me, it's perfect. 

And now, a note:

If you ever find yourself in need of a cosplay costume and you suck at sewing, and you actually DO want it to turn out just right, make yourself a muslin mock-up (or two, or three). Save yourself the headache of accidentally sewing the wrong seam allowance for approximately 70% of your costume or whatever else I did wrong. I literally could not operate scissors for that long so I didn't. 

Really, I think a big part of the reason my jacket turned out as well as it did is because I grew up backstage with a seamstress mother, I was always around this stuff and I found that I understood innately (in my wonky theater brain) how costumes were constructed and altered. Additionally, I have an Asperger's endowed laser focus paired with a really high tolerance for cocking things up and then fixing them. Me and my seam ripper have become really close lately. So, just keep that in mind. 

Generic Ensign's Vlog: Voyager 3

Y'all I've been all kinds of sick. Like... so many kinds. Did you know that steroid inhalers can give you insomnia and panic attacks and horrifying muscle cramps? I did not. But I do now.

Anyway, I've been watching Voyager (and a whole lot of the Winter Olympics including every single Japanese Women's Curling Team game) so I've got a new batch of Generic Ensign entries for you!

Generic Ensign's Vlog: Voyager 2

I've been steaming right along through SSN1 of Voyager while I animate and, I have to say, it is refreshing to be watching this crew's story unfold. I worried that, after literally years of doing this blog and watching so much Trek I'd be too burned out to watch Janeway's gang again. But I'm not. In fact, watching Voyager in tandem with Discovery has been an interesting journey all on its own.

Anyway, here's my costumed commentary for Phage, Ex Post Facto, and Prime Factors. Are there any episodes you'd specifically like to see Generic Ensign's take on?

Generic Ensign's Vlog: Voyager 1

Has it been a while?
Yes.

Am I still watching Discovery?
I mean, yeah.

Am I also watching Voyager (again) while I work on my myriad other weirdo endeavors like learning animation and producing my first animated short?
Yes.

Did I decide to just go ahead and do a Generic Ensign series for this round of Voyager?
Yes.

Am I just now getting around to it on the last day of January?
Well, yes. But mostly because I was super sick and also because I'm me and things take time.


Anyway, here she is. Back, and ready to provide running commentary on the Delta Quadrant:

Generic Ensign's Vlog: Civilization, Fortunate Son, Cold Front

BAM! Bet you weren't expecting this! New Generic Ensign! Right here! Ready to go!

Generic Ensign's Log: ENT 3 from AshleyRose on Vimeo.

Generic Ensign ENT: Andorian Incident and Breaking the Ice

I ate a lot of pecan pie to make this post. A lot. I am not ok after that.

Generic Ensign's Log: ENT 2 from AshleyRose on Vimeo.

Sidenote- I realize that I have a "weird mouth" when I eat. It's a combination of my highly elastic skin and a strange Aspie thing where when I was a kid I was told not to eat with my mouth open and I took that to mean, "NEVER EVER OPEN YOUR MOUTH EXCEPT TO PUT NEW FOOD IN." So my whole life I got weird looks/giggles in school cafeterias and never understood why. Then one day when I was 33 I made a silly Star Trek Vlog and watched it and just laughed and laughed. (That day was today.)

Extra Side Note: (since I'm over here spilling my guts) I have a REALLY hard time with some food textures and gooey/gelatinous sweet stuff is one of them. I'm telling you right now that I sacrificed for this video. Sacrificed. Also I'm still on a bit of a sugar high, if you can't tell. From the rambling. I  hope you enjoyed this installment of Generic Ensign! In spite of my silly struggles, I really enjoy making them.

NEW Generic Ensign for 2017

BAM! I'm back, y'all!

I was SO sick over Christmas and then had SO much work to catch up on once I got back and seriously I haven't even taken the tree down yet. That's how behind I am. It's January 19th or some biz. Anyway, one of the things I hated getting behind on was this blog. I had big plans for the new year. I was going to suddenly pop up on January 1st in my new GE costume and be all like, "GUESS WHAT I'M WATCHING!!!!" But I didn't have time to work on said costume because of said flu. Whatever, I can do that even if it's January 19th because this is my blog and it's the fourth year of this blog and I make the rules (up as I go.) So, without further ado:

GUESS WHAT I'M WATCHING!!?!!? 

(Prepare yourself for five episodes covered in short order)

Generic Ensign's Log: ENT 1 from AshleyRose on Vimeo.

In case you didn't watch the video because you, like me, have an aversion to video posts (unless they're walkthroughs for video game stuff) and you can't even guess from the still up above--it's Enterprise! And, because there's comparatively so little of it, I'm hoping to either write or Vlog about each episode. I've seen Enterprise all the way through three times with a few outliers here and there having been watched a couple more times and I haven't seen it at all since my initial Year of Star Trek so I'm (if you can't tell) super excited. Here we (boldly) go!

Generic Ensign's vLog #8: Time's Arrow - Chain of Command

It's been a long few weeks (you'll hear this from Generic Ensign as well) and I'm glad to finally be getting back to the blog. I had some really intense family stuff going on that laid me pretty low for a while but then Thanksgiving was for serious amazing. The best in my memory. I played video games. I hung out with Scott. I took naps. I played more video games. I ate SO MUCH turkey. (I butterflied the bird this year and this is something I HIGHLY recommend) I made the biggest, craziest pumpkin pie. It weighed three+ pounds and took several days to polish off. This week I got back to work and FINALLY returned to Generic Ensign. So, here's the latest:

Generic Ensign's Vlog #8 from AshleyRose on Vimeo.

Generic Ensign's Vlog #7: The Inner Light

This is a weird one.

Generic Ensign Vlog #7 from AshleyRose on Vimeo.

Generic Ensing's Vlog #6: New Ground, Conundrum, Ethics

You may have noticed that I skipped over the legendary episode, Darmok, last week. I actually had a big plan for it but it kind of crashed and burned. Hopefully, the next time I watch TNG, I'll have the kind of time I need to put into it... or maybe I'll just come up with something else. In any case, I did watch it. Darmok is my favorite episode of any Trek and sometimes those are the hardest ones to cover.

This week I watched a slew of Season Five offerings and came up with Generic Ensign's vLogs for New Ground, Conundrum, and Ethics. I'd really, really hoped to do one for Cause and Effect but I couldn't come up with any ideas that lived up to the amazing craziness of the episode. There's still time.

Anyway, here's this week's Generic Ensign:

Generic Ensign's Vlog #6 from AshleyRose on Vimeo.

Generic Ensign's Vlog #5: Ensign Ro, The Game, Disaster, Unification

Generic Ensign's at it again! She's well into Season Five and trucking right along:

Generic Ensign Vlog #5: My Year Of Star Trek from AshleyRose on Vimeo.

In other news, back when I first started doing comics, I had this dream that someday I might be published in the very prestigious and totally awesome magazine, The Rumpus. Earlier this week, that dream came true with my graphic essay, Distance. Feel free to check it out!

Generic Ensign's Vlog: Clues, Qpid, Mind's Eye

Wow, apparently that last Generic Ensign Vlog I put up was the 500th MYOST post! I had no idea (clearly) but hooray! If I'd known, I'd have thrown confetti or made a Deana Troi cake or at least poured myself a big glass of Romulan Ale. But whatever, Congratulations to me anyway! And also you for reading this blog and sticking around and leaving comments and emailing me. I love my little Trek family.

My hands ARE getting better. Splints, physical therapy, finger strengthening exercises, rest etc etc are definitely helping but typing is still the worst. So, there'll be more GE Vlogs to come. Here's a brand spankin' new one covering TNG's Season Four episodes: Clues, Qpid, and Mind's Eye. Enjoy!

Generic Ensign Vlog #4 from AshleyRose on Vimeo.

Generic Ensign's Vlog 3: Data's Day

Holy cow I've been sick. I spent the last three weeks hacking and wheezing. Last week I finally scraped myself off the couch and stumped into the doctor's office (where they apparently make you wear a surgical mask if you look like you might be Typhoid Mary) and she gave me an antibiotic to clear up what had become a nasty sinus/upper respiratory infection. It's taken another week to really get back on my feet but I'm still coughing a bit and I still feel a little sluggish but... this illness did not keep me from recording yet another Generic Ensign Vlog!

So here's Generic Ensign, rolling out her version of Data's Day:

Generic Ensign Vlog #3 from AshleyRose on Vimeo.

I'm actually into season five now so I think I'm going to pick up the pace with Generic Ensign and do a few really quick entries. Are there any episodes from Season 4 that you REALLY want to see GE's side of? Let me know and I'll try to hit them before moving on to Season 5.

Generic Ensign's Vlog #2

I've been laid up with a crap cold and that means Generic Ensign has as well. Her encounter with the Borg was not as eventful as that of her more vital crew-mates.

Stardate: 44012.3

(Best of Both Worlds - Family)

Generic Ensign's VLOG #1

My hands are still healing up so I've spent a lot of time thinking, "Hmm. What can I possibly do to continue the blog without having to use my hands...?" Finally, I hit on the idea of pulling the Generic Ensign concept into video form. If you're new to this, the conceit is that I write summaries of or commentaries on the show or specific episodes in the form of logs from the point of view of a nameless Ensign. So... here's the first one. 

Thanks to Trek Core for the sounds and http://www.lcars.org.uk/ for the LCARS animations. 

Generic Ensign's Log: Year Three

(In case you're new here, Generic Ensign's Log is a series of posts wherein I write from the point of view of a no-name Ensign and record the crew's misadventures.)


Generic Ensign's Log
Stardate: 43917.4

It's been a whirlwind couple of weeks. And, I should say first off that my hands were damaged while I was uncoupling a node in Jeffries Tube 19 so this entry will have to be short.

A few weeks ago things were going pretty smoothly after Riker's insane holodeck murder trial. Nothing happened at all except one day I saw Guinan giving Commander Worf some prune juice and then right after that she called into the bridge. It sort of felt like something was happening. Sort of like... all of time and space were briefly in flux and things weren't as they were supposed to be and it would take two entire starships to right some cosmic wrong and possibly one of our own crew would have volunteer to die in a timeline which we will never know anything about.
But, I mean, I didn't hear about anything weird so I guess it was fine. In any case, things were quiet on my deck.

Then, I swear to Sha Ka Ree, not two days later Data up and had a kid. She was adorable and I mean, legit adorable. And he seemed like he was going to be a great dad. Her name was Lal. I talked to her a few times in Ten Forward. Just like Data but... different. But it didn't last. I wanted to make note. I want to not forget her. We aren't all capable of just permanently storing her memory in our cybernetic brains.

About a week after that we got an officer named Kurn through the Klingon Officer Exchange Program. Man, this guy was a real piece of work. Total hard ass. And he brought all this drama with him. He was here for like twenty-four hours and then suddenly Worf and Picard are all up in arms and everything is Cha'DIch this and Mogh that and then they took off for a while and when they got back Worf was a sad sack. But that probably won't last long, right? How long can Worf really go around being depressed?

Alright, about a week after they got back the cap was replaced with an imposter who was just really amazing at flirting and ordering us to go places and singing Starfleet drinking songs.

Not gonna lie. There was a mutiny.

After our real captain got back he went out on a holiday and things on the ship were back to normal. I went down to Risa for a few days but I got a sunburn so I spent the rest of the R&R days in my quarters reading an ancient JK Rowling tome.

Right after that we took on a Betazoid guy who was sorta kinda crazy and I know that because Counsellor Troi has apparently NEVER heard of doctor-patient confidentiality and she was basically going around the entire ship yammering about how this guy used to be her patient. Anyway, he and Data got good and chummy but then he flounced off with a giant, space dwelling alien.

The next few days were a major headache for me and pretty much everyone else. Some biological samples apparently leaked everywhere during transport and the ship's systems went on the fritz. We were all working around the clock to fix it. Everyone seemed really centered on Barclay and I'm glad about that. He's a really smart guy, just awkward, probably logs too many hours in the holodeck. He gets in his own way a lot of the time, bless his heart. Eventually they fixed the issue and I hear Barclay was instrumental in that.

After all that, I think everyone needed some rest. We were scheduled to pick up Sarek. THE Sarek. So he could talk trade relations with the Legarans. We organized a banquet and a concert and we were all gonna take it easy breezy until we got to Legara IV. Things were quiet at first but then people just started getting super intense. I was walking into Ten Forward and saw a huge brawl going on:

And later I heard Riker say that he saw LaForge and that Crusher kid almost come to blows. Come to blows? What would that even look like? The greatest slap fight ever? Ugh. I wish I'd been there. Anyway, I don't know what they did but this whole thing only lasted about a day and then we made it to Legara IV and things were pretty chill during the whole conference. Though, I didn't see Captain Picard for a few days. Not until after Sarek left.

Next up we're headed to Betazed for a trade conference. Hopefully things'll be more relaxed for a while. I know I need the rest.

Generic Ensign's Log: Course Oblivion

Generic Ensign's Log

Stardate: 52586.3

10:10 AM
Today's the day! Tom and B'Elanna are finally tying the knot. Samantha, Harper, Nicoletti and I went in on replicator rations and got them an old timey radio for their quarters. I think they're going to love it! I also finally got a chance to spend some time with Harper's baby today. So sweet! She looks just like her father and I think that must be a comfort to Harper in some way. 

2:14 PM
What a beautiful ceremony! I wish I could've stayed with the party longer but I've got to head back to my duty station.

8:20 PM
Harper is sick and so is her baby. Samantha and I are heading down to sickbay to see them. I can't imagine what could be wrong. They both seemed fine earlier.

Stardate: 52586.4

 2:30 AM
Just got back from sickbay. We lost Harper and the baby.  Their skin was covered in silver lesions. B'Elanna was in there too. And four others. Is this some kind of plague?

4:11 AM
My skin is silver too. I can't sleep. I'm going down to sickbay even though it seems like there's nothing anyone can do. No one knows what this is yet.

10:43 AM
We are all melting. We aren't who we thought we were. We're nothing. We're dying.

12:16 PM
Why can't we just go back to our home? Why should we even be listening to "Janeway" she's not the real captain. This isn't the real Voyager. I'm not the real me.

 Stardate: 52586.5

We tried to set down on another Y class planet in the hope that it might sustain us but it was under the control of a hostile species. We moved on even though our course is hopeless. Samantha is dead. Naomi is dead. Sharr and Ashmore and Frank are gone. Everyone I cared about is dead and my skin is a silver sludge. Still, we're carrying on. There's a rumor that we're going to create a time capsule and leave a message for the real Voyager. I hope it works. I hope somewhere out there someone will know that, if nothing else, we existed. Maybe we weren't the real Voyager crew but we were real.

Generic Ensign's Log: Scientific Method

Generic Ensign's Log

Stardate: 51244.3

8:23 AM: Up early because I can't sleep because I feel awful. Rang up Samantha to see if she was awake and she was because Naomi's been wailing all night and also because she has a weird rash. Oh, also, I caught B'Elanna and Tom making out in the lift on my way to breakfast but my head feels like it's full of cotton and I just don't even care about their deal right now.

10:23 AM: Went down to sickbay to see if I could get something for this chest/head cold and Chakotay was in there and he looked awful. I mean, I know we've all seen a lot of terrible things happen to people on this ship and I know they always get better and I know we pretty much always forget about it but seriously--Chakotay looked awful. Dude looked like he's aged about a hundred years over night. Also apparently his tattoo goes back over his ear. I had no idea.

12:13 PM: Just saw Seven slinking around looking suspicious.

12:15 PM: Oh crap here comes Tuvok. Something's about to go down.

1:20 PM: Holy shit. So apparently the reason we all feel awful is because a bunch of jerk aliens have been doing medical research on us without our consent and we couldn't even see or detect them. Chakotay looks terrible because someone cranked up his olds, apparently. I went back to The Doctor for this head/chest cold (which is probably really some kind of alien robot parasite crawling around in there) and Crewman Luke absolutely just bit it right there in the floor. Her face veins turned all red and she died and there was nothing anyone could do. She was supposed to come with me and Samantha to the holodeck tomorrow!

3:45 PM: Well, the aliens refused to leave and of course the captain refused to back down. She decided she'd rather run the ship into a couple of pulsars than keep these jerks around. We barely made it out.

6:50 PM: Everyone's on the mend now that the aliens are gone. Well, everyone except me. Turns out my problem wasn't caused by the aliens. Uggh. You can reverse age a guy in about five minutes but I've still just got a chest cold and a fist-full of Mucinex.

Generic Ensign's Log: Displaced

Generic Ensign's Log

Stardate: 50912.4

9AM:
Business as usual. Had breakfast with Vorik and Samantha. Her baby is growing really fast. I passed Tom and B'Elanna arguing in the corridor on the way there. Pretty sure something's going on with them. I keep saying this. No one will listen.

11:34AM:
So I was down in Engineering and Ashmore just disappeared right in front of me and then there was some weirdo standing there talking about how cold it was and how bright it was and, I mean, if you ask me, I've always thought engineering was way too dark. Like, dramatically dark. Anyway, apparently Ashmore isn't the first one. Kes disappeared this morning and a few other people have also been replaced. No one knows where they're going.

2:12PM:
What is going on?! Like half the crew is gone and now I'm standing here in the cargo bay babysitting all these weird-hat cold guys.

4:18PM:
So now there are like ten of us. Plus Chakotay.

4:35PM:
Holy crap! Where am I? Oh, there's some weird balls of food here. WTF.

5:55PM:

OK so I was talking to Samantha and apparently she and Naomi have been down here since right after breakfast. Then, a lady who looks a lot (I mean, a lot) like that woman who wore a veil and her species aged backward, anyway she told us that now we're going to live in this place forever because they took Voyager. I mean, I guess that's a pretty good way to take over a ship. We had no idea what was going on and by the time anyone realized it, there wasn't much we could do. Well, the Captain is super pissed and she went off with Tuvok, Tom, and B'Elanna to see if they could find a way out. 

 6:35PM:
OMG. So I was standing here eating food balls and talking to Samantha and Tom and B'Elanna just appeared in front of us and they were embracing like... seriously... like they'd just been about to kiss or something. I've been SAYING that something was going on. Why doesn't anyone ever listen to me!?

9:22PM:
Back to normal. I brought some of those food balls with me though. They're delicious.